Our Great Escape

some free form; any suggestions?

Burning end of a ciggarette, we make gods of ourselves
In the these minature castles that fall and crumble
Temporary settling of the mind, dying to live, aching for freedom
Could it be a paradox that guides?
Maybe the unothodox
Who is to tell?
Will you be the great leader, or one of the faithful followers?
Consciousness will reveal itself while our lives unfold
Like new flowing weather patterns of the night, always moving
So near to the heart, so far, galaxies of stars exploding into nothingness
Closer still, as the rash of brand new heartache, it cannot be ignored
Follow the wolf into its cave, there you will find the answer
Be bold and do not fear, for we are everything, and nothing

Reviews

[Jeannie Wilder]

Hmm, I like this -- I'm a big free form fan. I like what you're saying and how you're saying it
Could it be a paradox that guides?
Maybe the unorthodox
Who is to tell?
( my favorite lines )
My only suggestion is to play with the first line. You start out with a fragment so it feels strange to start with it. I know I personally tend to use fragments frequently, and depending upon style it works, however, here it makes for a uncertain beginning, or... awkward might be the word. I would play around with it. Reading it without the "Burning end of a cigarette" it actually sounds really good. Just something to think about -- and if you keep it, take out the extra g in cigarette :)