Belt

Content that is triggering comes in all forms and at random times, even in what are supposed to be safe spaces.

"You know why she didn't do it?"
The crowd eagerly waits for the answer
Shoulders up
Eyes trained
He is an Elder after all
What he says is both funny
And holds weight
Sitting on the edge of seats
"Cuz I beat her with a belt the first time she tried!"
He laughs as the clumsy words stumble out of his mouth
The room erupts in laughter
Even her
He Disguised abuse as a joke
I try not to look into her eyes
I look around the room as laughter spreads and the conversation moves on
And people are smiling
She's smiling
Class has both feet down
Gripping the seat
Her gaze falls to the floor
Still smiling
They're eyes are engaged with him
Ears eagerly grasping for the next joke
He's an elder after all
And she laughed too

Heart racing
The moment stretches over a year
Why is my forehead wet
The conversation continues
Why am I so hot
People keep listening
Weak knees
The class wiggles in their chairs
Can't focus
A new activity begins
Run away
Someone looks at me
Run away
I look down
Run away
I write belt on my paper
Run away
My heart beat drowns out the room
Run away
I can feel my blood pulse
Run away
My silence is painful as it sits in my mouth
Run away

Close my eyes
Hear them all at once
Try to breath
Taste the years old vomit
Room erupts in laughter at another ill advised joke
Feel my legs burning
My hand draws the buckle
Seeing it makes it real
Stomach drops
The metal on the buckle is so loud
Eyes well
Run my hands across what used to be welts
Close my eyes
See his angry face
His voice fills my head
Tension rises in my throat
The belt comes off
I run

Running is safer
No one noticed
I didn't laugh