THAT Moment

You know that moment
That stretches on
for what feels like
an eternity
That moment
That.
Where you're just waiting
For that safe place
To fall apart?

And you're searching
In what feels like
an absolute panic
Of spinning
downward circles
Unable to grasp
Reality
Surrounded by people
Talking at you
Around you
Moving without noticing
You're just trying to walk
In a line
To where you can get
To take that moment
That breath
But you're still waiting
For permission
To finally
Breathe it out
To finally
Fall
apart?

Scraping the walls
Trying to find
something
Anything
To hold onto
As you move about
Appearing fine
But focusing
So hard
On just standing upright
Searching aimlessly
For a safe place
For a safe embrace
For somewhere to land
For somewhere to implode
To explode
To break
To unbind the duct tape
Holding you together
From the last time?

Or maybe for
something else
You don't quite know
At the moment
And whatever it is
You need
To finally
Fall
Apart?

And then when you find it
You realize
That you're body
has gotten
Without your knowledge
Without your permission
Really f*****g good
at
Surviving?

And because of that
Because you're so good
At being in that space
You'll hold others
Give them their moment
Give them their space
Give them their embrace
But
You'll never
Get
Your moment
To just
Fall
Apart.