I Couldn't Find the Words to Say

I couldn't find any words to say
So I went on a walk today
Tried to clear my head of everything that's happened
Life appears to be happening to me
Helpless, lost, alone
So many people but so very alone
Sometimes I try to reach out with a text or some cryptic Facebook post
Most mostly I just sit and let the feelings fester;They like that; they grow

I couldn't find any words today
So I went on a walk where I didn't have to find any
And I sat in the grass and I blew all my wishes on a flower
I didn't know what to wish for so I just blew everything I could out
And I sat
Basketballs bouncing, dog collars jingle, children laughing
And I sat

I couldn't find my voice today
The wordsmith I knew gave up for the day
She turned off the lights, burrowed deep under the covers, and fell asleep for today
So I took my body and we went for a walk
We didn't get far before the pain came

I just wanted to go for a walk
Because the words I'm used to have left for today
They got trapped somewhere in there
Rolling around for a bit then they did something the don't often do; they gave up
The effort doesn't seem worth it anymore
Goals too lofty for this big girl especially all alone

My voice is too far away today
It got lost before I left and couldn't keep up
So we walked on anyway
Joy seems so attractive as it runs across the faces of children, out of mouths of friends, and in energetic bursts of tail wagging in dogs
But Joy evades me and I sit here perplexed at how people can be so content

My voice betrayed me today
The walking helps get the anger out somehow
But I'm getting tired of being let down
And being alone on this walk is just a reminder of how I feel in life
And I sit
But no tears come out
I forgot how to cry to relieve my emotions years ago
When I realized they made me weak, and weak people stay alone

So I sit
Walking doesn't seem worth it somehow
My voice stopped trying to catch up anyway
Helpless
Lost
Alone
I sit