When will I be enough?

Whe. My wife and I got married, not everyone was supportive. This poem is dedicated to everyone who felt their opinion on queerness mattered enough to prevent them for being there for someone.

When will I be enough for you?
As involuntary tears roll down my cheeks
I read your letter that you wrote last week.
Mentally I knew the truth.
Deep inside you hated me.
More than me, but who I am; what I've become; how you see me in the social context of the world.
No, Your world.
Your world, a world where who I am has no value.
Where my accomplishments have no meaning anymore.
Where the good deeds of my life's work hold no weight.
Where our intertwined histories become irrelevant.
Where no matter what. I. do.
I will always be less than.
Where the little girl who sat on your lap
and listen to your stories,
headed your warnings,
played dress up with you,
was your co-baker,
co-babysitter,
co-pilot
and learned your lessons from birth through today,
doesn't. exist.
Where who I am is perverted and twisted
into something
It was. never. meant. to be.
Where the genitalia of my partner
or what you think I may do in the privacy of my bedroom
matters more
than the worth of my character.
We're how you see my sexuality
overshadows who. I. am.
as a human being.
Where the passion,
and love,
and courage,
that it took for me to tell you who. I. am.
is taken down,
stomped on,
dragged through the mud
and hung up as a flag of humiliation.
A World, your world, where love -
which you taught me about -
now comes. with. conditions.

I refuse to live in your world.
I refuse your conditions.
I will remember where I came from.
I will remember who I came from.
And I will refuse to go back.
Because my love,
is unconditional.
My world holds
hope.
My world promotes
peace.
My world suspends
disbelief.
My world accepts
you
right. where. you.are.
Now.
Today.

So your letter will sit on my fridge,
Your email in my inbox,
Your text in my phone,
Your voicemail in my messages,
Your silence in my heart,
as a constant reminder of who I will. never. become.
As a constant reminder that I must stop,
reassess,
and suspend judgment.
As a sad and hurtful ping in my memory
that I. upheld. you.
on a freaking pedestal.
to show me what love,
and family meant,
and you. let. me. down.
And perhaps most importantly, as a sign of hope.
that I *promise* to change the world;
To move it toward a better place.

It must be a sad to live in your world.
To be so staunch in your judgement as to alienate love simply for looking different than your love.
Just remember
no. matter. where.
you are in life,
or where you are in the process of becoming who you want to be,
You were,
and are,
*always*
welcome
in my world...

For who knows what we could do for OUR world, together...