A recent day in my life. Anecdotal. Based on actual events.

I had been helping my son (28) build a shed from kit he'd sent for. Having built sheds from 'scratch' before thought it would be easy. Three days later .....

Order for the day. ( based on recent day’s experiences)

Order

I start to order my day.

Three things on my ‘to-do’ list.

• Take my  car in for its MOT

• Drop my wife off for Art class

• Continue to help son, Jack, build his garden shed. 

Plan formulated for best use of time and least expenditure of energy.

I drop wife off at 9.25 precisely.

Need to return home but I remember we’re short of milk

so drive to local Tescos.

I notice my petrol gauge on low.

I fill up and go inside store to pay and buy the milk.

I put two large milk cartons into the basket

then buy eggs, tuna spread and a bag of potatoes.

Back to the car and home with the groceries.

Whilst there I go to my shed to fetch some extra nails

I knew Jack would need,

and also two long sturdy pieces of timber.

I sling everything in the car and make for Jack’s house.

 Arriving later than planned I ring the doorbell hoping against hope

He would be up, dressed in his work-a-day clothes

with screwdriver at the ready.

I ring the doorbell again ...and again...and again.

At last the door creaks open.

Might have guessed.

I’m greeted by a bleary-eyed  figure in a dressing gown.

I want to say something but realise it’s pointless.

So just pass over the nails and wood,

tell him I’ll be back in half an hour, and that he’d better be ready when I return,

then  hop back into the car.

Five minutes later I hand the car key over

and start the mile long trek back to Jack’s.

I press the doorbell again and wonder of wonders

the door opens almost at once.

With equipment in hand I go through the hallway  towards the garden,

 picking up my toolbox on the way.

Although in position, the shed still needed a lot of work doing to it.

In our haste the day before, we hadn’t read the instructions properly

missing out page 1 altogether.

Consequently we somehow have to remove eight blocks of wood

from the base before  continuing.

To do this we decide to tilt the shed to one side

and use my timber  as props.

“To me ....To you...”

We sounded more  like the Chuckle Brothers

Than a construction team.

‘Now this would make a Youtube sensation if it was filmed,’

I thought to myself.

With shed at a precarious 45 deg. angle and new centre of gravity

I quickly knock away the offending blocks.

Then reverse the process for the other side.

Back in upright position , Good.

I roll out, cut and fix the roof felt

whilst Jack starts to attach  the door.

And at last the building begins to resemble the one shown in the

  sales brochure.

We re-read the instructions, thoroughly this time.

There’s much  still to do...windows, lock...

An hour soon becomes two

and we’re both thirsty and hungry but still not finished.

Tea and biscuits.

And off again.

Door beading fixed, brackets carefully attached.

Door in place.

Not so.

It won’t close. And no amount of ‘persuasion’

or huffing and puffing can jam it  in  place.

So... brackets unscrewed. New holes drilled.

Brackets repositioned.

I sigh with relief as the door finally clears the frame and swings

easily on the hinges.

We exchange smiles for the first time that day.

The phone rings.

It’s Sue wondering where I’ve got to.

She’s walked back from Art and I’m late for lunch.

I explain with plaintive words about the hassle we’ve experienced.

I promise to  be home asap .

I gather up my bits and bobs ,

and toolbox in hand, head towards the front door.

In my haste I forget to secure the clip properly and

as I’m about to exit. CRASH...

The contents spill across the floor,

tools, screws, nails everywhere...

I stifle the usual exasperated utterances

And make do with a pathetic ‘Oh No!’

Chaos.

Jack, oblivious to my misfortune and deaf to my cry,

I simply fall to my knees and begin the painstaking job

of gathering up the mess screw by screw.

Ten minutes later I’m about to leave again.

This time with box safely tucked under my arm.

Suddenly I remember I haven’t got the car yet.

The mechanic hasn’t called to say it’s ready to pick up.

I place my tools back in the house and begin my   walk  home.

‘At least it’s a sunny day’, I console myself.

Arriving twenty minutes later I apologise to Sue

and try to avoid further lengthy explanations.

I turn to look at the picture she’s completed in Art class already proudly displayed on a shelf.

Impressive! I make complimentary noises

and the world seems right again.

I’m desperate for another cuppa and a sandwich.

The phone rings.

The car is ready for collection.

Tired and exhausted I feel the last ounces of energy quickly seep away.

With brain power diminishing all I can do is slouch onto the settee

I order my mind to stop thinking.

.

 

Author's Note

Realise that it's not strictly poetry but no category it seems for anecdotes ???

Reviews

[Kelly Scheppers]

...how funny! It's welcoming to read pieces like this...it clears the cobwebs, and encourages us to laugh out loud!

Much enjoyed!