Escaping for an Hour

This is long, but I like it personally :D

  "Your failing all of your classes Debbie! You said you were at Dana's house studying," Mom was driving me crazy.When she silenced herself I was expecting that'd be the end of the hype. 

  "You were probably with that delinquent you call a man! What were you doing with him Debbie? If I find out that your smoking, drinking, or doing anything else you'll be cut off for good."

 Mom wasn't worth arguing with...perhaps because she was correct. I scrutinized her while waiting patiently to hear her next words. 

  "My daughter is nothing but a failure! How could you ruin such a golden reputation go away!" Mom bellowed. Mom initiated the tears, why was she the one crying i'm the one without a loving parent! I officially hate her more than anybody else. I snagged all of my necessities from my room, and migrated to a much more serene environment. It was the beginning of December and each time I took a deep breath cold air was discharged from my puckered lips. It was almost sunset, so I needed to find a place to stay. 

  An hour later I was still without shelter, and even worse I was starving! I passed a homeless man in a deserted alley searching for food. I was so desperate that I asked him if he had anything for me to eat. He chortled frantically. I slid onto the filthy ground, and put in my headphones. There was nothing for me to listen to that expressed how I felt so instead I listened to a song that expressed how I wanted to feel. Oh the soothing lyrics! They relieved me instantly, the astonishing powers of music accompanied me when I escaped reality. My eyes closed and I was on a trip to a mythical place. 

  I opened my eyes in fear. Two police officers were hovering over me. One handed me a plate of barbecue sandwiches, and they other gave me a twenty dollar bill. I smiled wildly. When they left I stood up and I was in a long, flowing, red gown. When did I change? I began the journey to home when a random group of adults approached me. They weren't normal adults, they all had cherry red hair and wore shirts that said W.a.n.r.a.a. 

  The adults peeled the 'W' off of their shirts, and threw them at me. 

 "What the heck man," I shouted. 

 "Turn around Deborah," the women and men said calmly. I would've protested, but I turned around out of curiosity. Behind me was a giant, glowing, pink and purple hole. They each leaped into it, and signaled for me to follow. When I stepped into the hole my hair became red like the rest of them.They formed a circle, and gossiped about me. Most of them flew away, one woman stayed.

 "Hi my name is Arie I am your guard Deborah or would you prefer to be called Debbie...maybe even Debs!" Arie was very pretty but weird. I shook her hand, and asked where we were. 

 "Were in your school," Arie replied. 

  "No were not," I was ready to strangle her, she was so annoying. I blinked and I was in my school's cafeteria. The tables were being occupied by attractive models, and delicious food. The models so lean, and the food so tempting. I sat at the table with Arie, an began to eat pizza the length of my entire arm, and chips bigger than my face. I began to let loose with Arie, and my new model friends. I asked them about Paris in the Spring, and they questioned me about what life is like with family.

 "Both of you are welcome to come back to the penthouse with us," one model said. On our way to the penthouse we saw a parade of balloons, we each grabbed three and kept walking. Once we reached the penthouse we entered the indoor trampoline! I hopped in and became a child again! The fun ended quickly.Before I could say goodbye Arie and I were falling from the sky. We were lucky enough to land in a plush cloud. Arie waved then disappeared. My amazing cloud turned black, and faded away. I was lost in the air, wondering when I would hit rock bottom. 

  I wanted those balloons from the parade to appear in my hand, luckily they did just in time! I landed on the ground gently. Arie put her arm around me, and I yelled at the top of my lungs. Where was she? Why did she leave me? 

 "I had to call my boyfriend," Arie answered with pep. A train appeared in the distance. I panicked, I thought Arie was going leave me again. The train was coming even closer, Arie stayed for this challenge. 

 "Before I die I want to know what does the thing on your shirt mean?" I had to know. The train lights blinded me. 

 "Oh W.a.n.r.a.a. that stands for We are not Real at All," Arie didn't seem to be worried about the sudden danger.I stuck out my foot, and the train was an inch away from running over it. The train made a sharp turn and we survived. That was enough! I'm terrified! I sat in the corner of an alley, and fell asleep listening to music. 

 When I woke up I was back in my normal clothing, and laying down on my bed. Mom was next to me with a bowl of soup. She apologized, and explained how she went out looking for me and saw me being attacked by a group of strangers. I hugged her, and dug my head into her chest. I'm not leaving home ever again, I'm staying with the people who love me. Now all I need to do is improve my grades, and get on the right path in life. Bye fantasy land. 

Author's Note

I know this is kinda long but... :) I believe it's worth it.

Reviews

[DrD]

A very interesting fantasy with a message. Well written and extremely well organized, th story progresses as it should. I am not convinced that the conclusion is strong enough (it was all a dream ending is no longer acceptable in the market) but in this case it does round things off rather well. All in all, a worth reading achievement.

[Nicky Sarti]

Wow oh wow...
Now this right here, is EXACTLY how I wish I could right, something kinda really but not; kinda out there but totally "there" too!
This is so brilliant, because I could feel that same feelings; when life gets to you... all you really want to do is "hide" away from it all.
I love the bizarreness of it all, and the fact she's clearly a strong girl; but one who still needs her Mom to be a Mom!
Can't tell you how great this is ~ really amazing!

[Brianaswriting]

THANK YOU sooo much!! your too cute :3

[Nicky Sarti]

Anytime, always meant.
I like this fantasy fiction type of writing, it is how I wish I could write.

[Brianaswriting]

maybe you could write something, and I could review it?? :)

[Nicky Sarti]

I shall totally have a go ~ just don't run off, it might take me a while!

[Brianaswriting]

:D got it

[hogan]

benefit from being re-written, see what I mean!

[hogan]

Not that long, I enjoyed the story, but felt the middle section could benefit from benefit from re-written, not harsh just my opinion. Have you tried printing this off and then sitting and reading it, with a pen in hand. Every time I do that to anything I have written I want to make changes. If you wish look at my story Mirrors, that needs a lot of work still. Hope you don't mind my constructive review. great idea, brilliant start and end.

[Brianaswriting]

thanks :) I really do appreciate your comments, they weren't harsh at all.

[hogan]

just read another, it is good, sent review, a little polish and you will shine

[Brianaswriting]

thanks again

[hogan]

If you like the slightly violent genre, try 'Through the eyes of a psychopath' there is a twist at the end. The story is good, I think, but has been written quickly and needs to be re-drafted.

[I am renee]

beautiful, just beautiful :)

[Brianaswriting]

thanks :D

[I am renee]

your very welcome

[quinfinn]

a delightful tale, charming from start to end...however i must point out one fatal (well, not fatal) flaw...we are not real at all does not spell wanrat it would be wanraa,,,wonderful idea, just needs a little mending and i know you are quite capable of that. such a clever and fun little story.

[Brianaswriting]

thank you so much! :)

[Brianaswriting]

I'll be sure to fix that

[quinfinn]

;)

[Emberlorna]

I really like it. It was spastic and abstract with a touch of humor. Very entertaining for a short story. Kinda like a modern version of Alice in Wonderland. Great Write :}

[Brianaswriting]

thank you! I wanted to be close to Alice in Wonderland but not copy close :) I really appreciate your comment it means so much considering my story isn't short I have to read more of your lovely work.

[Emberlorna]

You're very welcome:) I really enjoy your work. And thank you :}