my disease

I can't stand what I signify

a lonely

defiled

old man

with nothing to lose

but the indignity

of wiping his own a*s

and the very little I get from my pension

and a wife who has been dead for six long years

I try to hold onto those those memories

but they'll eventually take them too

I own all these wrinkles

I've bought and paid for them

with scars and hours of ball busting work

I've earned the badge of honor

from the union

traveled

paid my dues

been fired a couple times

but they were misunderstanings

I sit here day in

and day out

feeding these goddamn birds

because...frankly...

their the only friends I have

well..them

and the booze I have in the fridge

and in the cupboards

and whatever's left in my plastic red cup

You know

I've tried to be kind

I've tried to be that old man

the one that everyone loves

but how can I

I have nothing love myself

I'm broke

living in a small apartment

my wife is gone

children are out west

and my landlord is a 26 year old prick

so...tell me what do I have...

memories....

ahh yes memories..

but not for very long

I've been diagnosed

and now my mind is going away

everything i've ever dreamed about will be gone

even the dreams that I will dream, will vanish

befor I wake

these lines may be my last

....that I remember anyway's

so..

please find me in these words

find the angry

depressed old man

....shake hands with him

hug him

let him know everything will be okay

and that the light still shines..

I can't stand what I signify

a lonely

defiled

old man

with nothing to lose.....

Reviews

[MrJodie]

A few typos, a couple of grammatical errors and ONE PRACTICALLY PERFECT POEM.

Damn.

You've captured the bitterness of a loveless life (life after love, not without) and the hopelessness that many have felt when diagnosed with Alzheimer's while still giving his futility a certain desperation and dignity.

Damn.

Of course I'm a little jealous. At least I'm man enough to admit you're better. Maybe some day I'll be man enough to do something about it...

Wait, maybe I just did.

Great work.

[Fallacy Pharmacy]

Very beautiful, this made me quite tearful actually. I like the encouraging end of this poem; we all should try and be a little more friendlier.... Well done :)

[Ninelilies]

I whole heartedly agree with the review before me. My grandfather has the disease, so you captured in him, what he can't say. Really good work...true on the spelling

[Tony]

I can appreciate the way the writer has taken on the being of someone he is not. Correct me if I am wrong on that. Vivid and sad, with just the right amount of tenacity. Like some half bitter old man.
Good stuff this poem.

[Charisma Moonfairy]

Wow this is beautiful and visually saddening. I loved it.

[Enigmatic Amor]

The form of your piece is a bit raw but the content is full and speak volumes. Great commentary, very poignant.

[justjenn_2u]

So heart wrenching. I see so many people walk by others and turn their noses up. I have learned that I shouldn't judge because I have no idea where or what that other person has gone through. This poem teaches humility. I enjoyed reading and I think you've got something good here! Way to go!!!