Down and out? Psalms 143:7-8

This is a page from the devotional book I am writing. It is aimed at those going thru divorce.

Come quickly, Lord, and answer me,
    for my depression deepens.
Don’t turn away from me,
    or I will die. 
 Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning,
    for I am trusting you.
Show me where to walk,
    for I give myself to you.

Everywhere around me was dark, a kind of darkness that permeates everything. The kind you walk in.  Wade thru.  But no light is strong enough to penetrate it.  I can feel the hand of the Lord on me but I am so deep in the pit the light wont reach me.  My marriage is over, love is gone, I'm numb to just about everything.  I want help out of this darkness.I try to climb out, but something azlways knocks me back in. I lose my grip and fall.  Why couldn't the doctors fix me? The sorrow and the depression was so deep, soul deep, that only God could reach me.I'd poke up my head and have a few good days but I'd go back to my hole and my hurt and pain.  In my hole I fed my hurt and pain.
Until one day many years being in the darkness, years of wanting out and not knowing what to do.  I trusted God to show me what to do, and I gave myself over to him.  I asked him what he wanted me to do.  He wanted me to give him my hurt and pain.  I didn't want to give Him my pain.  I had nursed it and fed it and taken care of it for the last seven years.  It was mine.  He sat there, patiently waiting.  Did I want to keep hurting?  Or did I want to see?I offered it up to His hands, and I saw something I couldn't see when I was curled around it.  It was chained to me.  But as I offered it up the locks broke,the chain fell away and I was free.  Light filtered into my pit.  The hurt was gone.  I saw the ladder.  I could get out now. I took a step towards them and suddenly I was on a mountaintop, sitting beside Jesus, my head on His shoulder. In a place of freedom and joy I hadn't known in many years.

Father, 
We wander and you seek us out.  We fall into a pit, and sit and let it get deeper and deeper and all along you sit beside it waiting to hear us the tiniest cry for help. Thank you for rescuing me, and for anyone reading this, answer their cry for help. lift them up out of the pit they find themselves in..
We love you Jesus,
Amen

Author's Note

Gut level reactions.

Reviews

[Jamestown]

Amazing sister! I am so thrilled to have had the chance to read this, I too went through similar happenings and turned to
God to help, and I couldn't have made a better decision in life, I am so thankful for such a great God we serve. Thanks for sharing and God bless you!
All glory and honor belongs to Christ Jesus!

[brezybaby3]

Thank you for your words. God bless

[Jenny M]

I found this piece of writing so honest in its expression of how you felt and the difficult place you were in after your marriage broke down. I like the fact that there was a ladder, but you couldn't see it while you were clinging on to the hurt. And the way you've written it shows that it isn't easy to let it go.

[SleeplessVolcano]

Wow. As you say, gut level reactions. When I say that this was "too raw" I say so because I write the same way, and we write what we feel, and because we feel it, it is correct, right? Well, not necessarily. I am also embarking on the road of writing something for publication, and it is a totally different ball game from being happy myself with something I have written compared to it being ready for publication. The analogy I use to help me with my "rawness" is to imagine all the raw ingredients of a fabulous casserole on the kitchen table......some, like the vegetables, can be eaten raw, but not the meat.....garlic....etc. By slowly cooking it and lovingly adding more suitable ingredients and spices, our meal improves, and eventually delights our guests. Our writing is the same......we may have extremely raw ingredients, and a mind-blowing recipe, but "transforming" all of these into the "perfect" soul-touching manuscript takes a bit of work.

For example, this piece should be a 100. It feels as if you have crammed too much into one "entry". Your "testimony" is great, but someone right now in the depths of depression, may stil need some time to heal.....and may, right now, not even be ready for God's light. Am I making any sense? :)

I trust my words of constructive critisism would be received as such. :)

[brezybaby3]

Thank you. Yes, this is a draft not the final copy. it was written in the depths of going thru the divorce and there is a need to keep some of that darkness in it. now as I edit I have to bring the healing and light to it. 5 years out I am ready to do that. thank you so much for taking time to review this.

[A. Amos]

I would keep you in prayers and those who are close to God, understand your connection with God. Thank you for sharing!

[Daisy]

very beautiful and true........ wonderful story...

[yvo miki]

oh wow is this what really happened to you is that how you were saved well I have my bad days and my good days I know god is there for me but its hard to turn to him

[brezybaby3]

This was my life for 7 years, I was already a christian, I just didn't know I was so chained to my depression

[yvo miki]

of alright kk sorry about that