Tiffany-prologue and chapter 1

Prologue

 

Tiffany just sat on the toilet seat and stared at the test that had just changed her life.  She couldn't quite wrap her mind around it. She was going to have a baby.  What was she going to do?

After being together six months Lucas had proposed to her.  She hadn't seen any harm in sleeping with him since they would be married soon.  Then, two weeks ago she'd gone to his house unannounced.  And received quite a shock.  He was in bed with another woman.  Devastated, she'd calmly taken off hr ring and placed it on the nightstand. She'd turned and left, ignoring the sound of his voice calling her name.

During the last two weeks she had learned heavily on her sister Carleigh.  She'd been great.  Coming over at odd moments  during the day.  Making sure she ate.  Taking tearful calls at all hours of the night even though she needed her rest too.  How was she going to tell her this?

She checked the time. Only 10 after 7.  right now Carleigh was busy getting Kayla ready for school.  She'd have to wait til 8:30 to call.  What to do until then?

She wandered downstairs and dialed the number for OB and set up an apt for the following week then fixed herself breakfast of toast and peppermint tea.  Then, as she had every morning for the last two weeks, she opened her bible to the Psalms for comfort.

 

 

 

 

                    Chapter One

Tiffany stared at the computer screen in doubt.  Faith had met her husband, Jordon, online and they has looked so happy at their wedding three weeks ago.  She was considering it herself.  She put her  hand on the growing mound of her belly.  Would anyone want to date her?  She was four months pregnant and had never been married.  She loved the Lord with all her heart, yet had been deceived by her former fiance

He had proposed to her over a candlelight dinner at Antonio's on the Bay.  Her ring the only thing in the bread basket that was delivered to their table.  She'd squealed in delight and quickly said yes,  He placed the ring on her finger, kissed it and pledged to love her forever.

She called herself several kinds of a fool for going to his house after that.  And for letting the memories flood in.  But once started they didn't stop.  They had been happy for about two months.  And then she had found him with someone else.  She had broke things off and refused to speak to him.

And then she found out about the baby, and her life changed.  She smiled.  Her family had been amazing.  Her sister Carleigh was so supportive and helpful.  She told her what to expect from her body and and her emotions.  And she helped her with her walk with God. Turning her back to the love she had when she was young.

Her baby brother Daniel just wanted to break Lucas into little pieces. He said if he ever saw him he would have to hurt him.  And she believed her brother.  At 18 her was already 6'2” and was 220lbs of  pure muscle.  And his sisters were the loves of his young life.  The only people he loved more were his parents.

And Faith, her bestie, loved her. Faith had been there.  Her twins were 2 now.  Only their dad was part of their lives.  Drake Alexander had been a good guy.  He'd been with Faith the entire pregnancy.  They were a couple until the girls were about 6 months old.  And then, Faith said, they realized they just weren't in love with each other.  So, they were good friends, and raised their girls together, but were in other relationships.  Drake had even been at Faith's wedding 3 weeks ago.

Drake had been so sweet to her at the reception.  Telling her she looked beautiful in her maid of honors gown.  They had had to take it out twice to allow for her growing belly.  The cut of the gown was supposed to be tight, so it was obvious that she was pregnant. Even though the gown had been left loose around her belly.

She knew that the Aqua blue of the gown went well with her sapphire blue eyes and light blond hair.  And the cut of the gown would normally look good on her 5'6” frame that normally wore a size 5.  Well, she still wore a size 5 everywhere except her belly. But beautiful?  She had smiled at Drake and said thank you, but didn't believe him.

They had danced several dances together.  Every time she felt slightly winded he made her sit down and rest.  Even when she objected. He said he knew best because he had been through Faith's pregnancy with her and don't argue. She smiled at him, did as he suggested, because she thought he might be right and because she was tired.

Whenever they sat he would bring her a glass of punch.  When she said she was tired of punch, he started bringing her water.  When she inquired about where he got it  he smile and said “I have my ways of getting things.” In that moment she admitted something to herself that he hadn't in the three years that she knew him.  He was one of the most handsome men she knew.  With his jet black hair he stood out among the men she knew, and his sky blue eyes were a startling contrast. He was as tall as her brother and just as big. And he looked devastatingly handsome in his dark blue suit.

The phone ringing brought Tiffany out of her memories and back to the present.  “Hello”

“Tiffany, don't hang up.”

she sighed deeply and seriously thought about it. “What do you want, Lucas?”

“I want to be a part of my child's life.”

“Fine.  I have your number.  After she is born I will call you.”

“It's a girl?”

“I don't yet.  It is just easier to call it a her than an it.  I am hoping fr a girl.”

“I want to be a part of your pregnancy.”

“Absolutely not. I want nothing to do with you.”

“Please, Tiff, I'm sorry about what happened.  It will never happen again. I promise.  Please take me back.”

“Lucas, we have been over this. I wont take you back.”  Here she fibbed a little but asked the Lord to forgive her. “I'm seeing someone now and I'm quite happy with him.”

Lucas was instantly angry, “Who? What's his name? He wont be a daddy to my baby?  I'll take you to court to make sure of it.”

“Goodbye, Lucas.” she said calmly as she hung up the phone.  Why did she insist on conversing with him when he called?  Why did she pick up the phone when she saw his name on the caller ID? She needed to stop it.

She went back to the computer.  Should she fill out the online profile?  It was a christian site for singles.   She started putting in her personal information.  Did she say anything about being pregnant?  She'd have to ask Faith.  But for now she left it out.  When she was done she added a picture that Faith had taken of her from the night before the wedding.  When she was satisfied with the way everything looked she hit join and sat back with a nervous smile.  Then she picked up the phone to call Faith and let her know she had taken her advice.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

Ignore punctuation problems but please comment on grammer.

Reviews

[Brooklyn]

First I think your a great writer hiding passion between each one of your drastic periods and commas, let you muse flow and lets hear what Tiffany is feeling, theirs a millions things we feel, scream it from the mountain tops and then go back and edit it.

On a critiquing note, their was excessive use of the word was, find other ways to express and bypass, it will help you get more creative as well ;)

I think you shouldn't lead the reader into a surprise, but surprise the reader with a unique approach. i.e. "Then, two weeks ago she'd gone to his house unannounced. And received quite a shock. He was in bed with another woman." Change it up and make it shocking to us.

"she had learned heavily on her sister" ???

Maybe use "all hours of the day" instead of "at odd moments during the day."

Tiffany sought more then comfort in Psalms "she sought refuge" toy with passion of the pain of your character, make us suffer with them. So we can love her and sympathize with her.

More feeling, Tiffany didn't just stare at the computer screen but "stared at an endless desert that had no end of plateau in sight, alone in a place where empty goes to die"

I love that pare "she put her hand on the growing mound of her belly" but i feel something is missing by what you say next lead up to this question with character insecurities.

Describe the magic of the ring.

Forget "she caller herself several kinds of a fool", but show us her taking it out on herself. Thats one big thing you need to work on is "Showing us and not telling us"

*"She returned to her computer and filled out one of those Christian online dating profiles"

Hope that's not overbearing but I expect you to do the same for me ;P were all out to make each other better, luv ya

[brezybaby3]

Thank you For the review

[Daisy]

i can't comment on grammar... but your story is beautiful.... very touching

[brezybaby3]

Thank you Daisy. That is what I needed to hear. Everyone has been picking my stories apart, like they are supposed to, but not giving the overall feel of the piece.

[Daisy]

it happens really..... my sisters always do this to my every piece whatever i write.... :D