The Diary of an Avoidant Personality

10/10/09

Echoing crickets stir emotion in my soul,

A feeling so brilliant and out of control.

Behind beautiful days waited sleepless nights,

Beneath summer veneers a cold December.

Hope came in the form of beauty and romance,

Each passing breath was one more chance.

Behind piercing eyes lied perfect creation,

Every porcelain surface impending salvation.

 

My heart was exploding to be filled,

To the point that emotion was willed.

Behind precious lips were friendly conversations,

Every uttered word held a hint of flirtation.

Soon curiosity turned into optimism,

Exuberant and nervous with anticipation.

Behind every thought was a foolish illusion,

Its surface reflected the perfect conclusion.

 

My mind the orator of a brilliant folk tale,

Building courage that could burn and wail.

Behind every glance a step closer to reality,

Under her skin a love only I could see.

Through the process I struggled to hold on to truth,

Fantasy was so easy to find with a mind so aloof.

Behind every notion is a crashing wave,

My skin the soul she was born to save.

 

Over time I make my slow trodden approach,

Desperate to be close but petrified for the answer.

Behind every last breath is a final prayer,

The passing day brings the moon's nightly glare.

In time the sun surely will follow,

And with it the end of the fairytale.

Behind its glow the end of the story,

Moonless darkness thwarts my glory.

 

So many hints I choose to ignore or neglect,

All for the illusion that I struggle to regret.

Behind every missed call was a glaring clue,

Jaded eyes were the warning I chose to misconstrue.

Fully aware of the inevitable result,

Still crushed as my mind began to revolt.

Behind every hope or promise comes the let down,

Brilliant clouds and a spike ridden ground.

 

Over the years the cycles shall repeat,

Until liquor and pills no longer compete.

Behind tomorrow lies the end of time,

My good intentions a calculated crime.

In time even clocks will turn me away,

My broken heart will cease instantly.

Behind blue eyes witnessing goodbye,

Melancholic, broken, and waiting to die.