Asleep and Dreaming are different animals.

Somewhere between too drunk and dreaming.

I shape my world with pointed fingers.

These scarred hands open up like palettes 

full of unimaginable possibility,

painting or grasping at silver linings 

inside a whiskey built corridor 

of blue, cloudless cognition 

Dreaming is the spark that sets the world on fire,

realigns the stars, a preamble to the destined leap

of the determined into wavering currents

that meander between fate and failure 

Take a chance on the wild unknown, it says. 

Get to know the genius in the wall, it says.

Follow the perceived path towards the ambiguous 

flickering light beyond the tree line. 

curiosity can take you where reservation never could.

chase that rabbit down the hole, let it change you 

into what you could be, if you let one foot lead the other

into oblivion, it says.

Author's Note

Please leave a review with helpful thoughts or edits!

Reviews

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Wow...I'm totally impressed by this, and by you in general as a writer. You mentioned in a review to me that my writing was polished, and I am going to throw that right back at you; you have an exqusite hand, my friend. I love the imagery and the tone of this one. Your poetic voice is strong, stylish and unique.

My only editing comments would be with the last stanza...

Take a chance on the wild unknown, it says (I would capitalize "Take" and perhaps italiciae "Take a chance on the wild unknown," because it would give the reader the sense that someone is "speaking") Same thing on the next line.

Also, you might consider setting these two lines off in their own little stanza, because they are strong, heavy and can stand on their own.

Then you have "follow the percieved path towards the flickering light/behind the tree line"--long line followed by a short one, which can bother the flow a little. I would do something like:

follow the percieved path towards the ever
flickering light beyond the tree line (add a word to the first line and chance "behind" to "beyond")

Other than these minor little things (which truly are minor), this was fantastic. One of the best I've read all day. Well done!

[Brett Moore]

Thank you so much! And thank you for the great ideas!

[_mal]

Love the last four lines especially. You write really well, will be sitting here thinking about this for a while. Sorry this isn't helpful

[Frieda P]

You've realigned the stars with your brilliant tapestry here, darkly lit whilst you journey amidst excellent poetry. Stunning Brett.

[Cassie]

wow!!!!!!!! you are really good, yet another teaching piece, this one is full of wisdom. Thank you for sharing

[SoulSplatter]

LOVE LOVE LOVE this! Absolutely breath taking! The only line that didnt seem to fit was the last one.

Just a suggestion, perhaps you could word it

chase that rabbit down the hole, let it change you
into what you could be, it says,
if you let one foot lead the other
into oblivion

I think oblivion should be the last word.
Absolutely stunning work here! I will be reading more of you!

[DCT ponderings]

Oh the allure of tight rope walking. There is so much rich imagery here. I have know many who have grasped "at silver linings inside a whiskey built corridor". As a dreamer I am also an addict, not of the bottle, but creativity itself. I yearn to pour myself out emptied into the world.

And I feel everyday one step further down the rabbit hole hoping upon hope it leads me closer to myself.

[Quill~]

I believe you have captured my heart with this one! I am all about dreaming, and you have written something I feel deeply connected with-"Take a chance on the wild unknown, it says."

Sometimes the lines are blurred, when dreaming is this intoxicating... and it is indeed "intoxicating"! :)

I love this stanza-"Dreaming is the spark that sets the world on fire,

realigns the stars, a preamble to the destined leap

of the determined into wavering currents

that meander between fate and failure "

[Brett Moore]

Thank you for the love!

[Baby Ricochet]

A man's gotta dream.

[David Scott]

"it says"...
Indeed the voice was clear, but the origin is still a mystery.
A mystic write.
I may be in that place between conscious thought and alchoholic impairment myself. Ha.
A quality prose.

[Brett Moore]

You and I both, brother! Every weekend. Thanks for the kind words!