Week One.

**The both text is what Aspen has written in her journal. Please note that she is saying it out loud, I just thought it would be better to put the memories in bold. **

Tuesday:
 
3:07. I didn’t have to look at the clock to know what time it was, my brain did it for me. I was 18 again, on my way home from school in Frank’s passenger seat. There’s an old pop song on the radio, neither of us listening but not bothering to turn it off. It’s about a year after we’d started dating, and soon we’d be graduated. He turned the radio off and looked at me for a second.
 
“What?” I asked, and he gave a shy smile.
 
“There’s something about you,” He stated,
 
“Huh? What do you mean?”
 
“I think I’d like to marry you someday. Are you okay with that?” I tried playing cool, but ended up smiling.
 
“That sounds amazing. I can’t wait.”
 
He’s still smiling, “God, I love you.”
 
“I love you too.”
 
 
 
 
The memories are so weird, it’s like I’m there. And I can remember them perfectly when I write them down afterwards.”
 
Cathy nods, “Do you remember what day this was?”
 
“May 8, 2015. Is it bad that I remember?”
 
“Not particularly, there could be many reasons for you to remember these things. Don’t worry. How did the memory make you feel?”
 
“It’s weird, some of them make me sad, and depressed, and others just make me feel stupid. This one does, I hate how naïve I was.”
 
She nods, and gestures me to go on.
 
“Wednesday:
 
Today’s memory was different. Like, it made me feel sad, I hate saying that. We were in a pizzeria, on a date.
 
“I love you.” He said out of nowhere,
 
“I love you too. Now, when am I getting that engagement ring?” I joked,
 
“Soon, before we go off to college. Be patient,” he smiled 
 
We sat in silence for a while. It’s a nice silence, not at all awkward. I stole a glance at him, and he’s already staring at me,
 
“Stop that,” I laughed.
 
He laughs too, “You’re beautiful, Aspen. I can’t wait to see you in your wedding dress.”
 
“Well you better hurry up then,” I give him a wink “
 
“Now, how do you feel about that memory?” Cathy asks.
 
“A little sad, mostly mad, though. I guess I just want to know �" no, I need to know why he did it. This is our last date. We broke up two days later. After everything he did, and he cheated on me.”
 
“Mm and do you remember when this was?”
 
“December 21^st, 2015.”
 
Cathy gives me a sad look, I brush it off, it’s not the first one I’ve ever gotten, and it wouldn’t be the last.
 
“Thursday:
 
I was in class when it happened. It was about two hours ago and I can still see it in my head. It’s the day after yesterdays, December 22^nd, 2015.
 
Frank had decided to bring me to the library. I remember being there most of the day, but my memory was focused on a specific time. 3:07.
 
“Look at the time,” Frank pointed to the clock, I smiled at him,
 
“3:07.”
 
“The time we met. In this exact place, this exact time,” he said
 
I turned around to see him; I didn’t quite understand what he was getting at until I did. He was down on one knee and all of the sudden I felt light-headed.
 
“Oh god, Frank, how are we gonna do this? We’re going to college in the fall, and we’ll be miles apart. I know I said I was ready, but-“
 
“Hey, look at me. It’ll be fine. We will be fine. We can do it. Now, let me propose to you,” we both laughed,
 
“Aspen, wi-,” but before he could ask I was already in his arms,
 
“You don’t even have to ask. Yes, yes. A million and one times yes, Frank. I’m sorry I doubted us. I’m 100% sure we can do it. We’ll be together forever, right?” I asked,
 
He smiled, a real smile, the one where your eyes crease, and it’s in that moment that I really realized the depth of my love for him, “Together forever. I love you.”
 
This one makes me stomach feel weird, like I’m gonna throw up. I think it’s disgusting. I hate remembering him. God, why do I do this to myself? Why did he do this to me? Is there something so wrong with me that even my mind hates me? I don’t understand.” I feel the tears welling up in my eyes, and I don’t bother holding them in.
 
“Aspen, hunny, you know that’s not true. Leaving you was his fault, not yours. And sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you can’t control everything you think about. One day it’ll be 3:08 a-,”
 
“3:07.” I correct,


“It’ll be 3:07 and you won’t get these memories. They’ll be long gone, now, let’s continue.”
 
“Friday:
 
After the memory yesterday I already knew what it would be today, and I was right. The worse one, I was with my friends when it happened and I had to leave, because I didn’t want to have to explain why I was crying all of the sudden. Out of all the things that have ever happened to me, this was the worse. This was the memory of when he broke me; this one was the one that brought me here. It was December 23^rd. It started off as a normal day, but there’s not a person in my life that doesn’t know what happened that day. How horrible it was, what it did to me. “
 
“Let’s hear it.”


“Fraaank? Where are you?” I whispered, I had decided earlier in the day to surprise Frank with an early Christmas gift, still buzzing with excitement over the proposal yesterday.
 
I walked happily towards the bedroom and open the door quickly, “Hey baby, I missed y-“ but I choked on my words.
 
My stomach dropped, and I had to fight back the urge of throwing up at the sight. There, my fiancé in bed with another girl. I blinked, horrified by the sight but not able to look away.
 
“You’re a monster,” the first words are slow and almost silent, but then I’m yelling. I slipped the ring easily off my fingers, and walked away. I remember hearing the ring clank to the ground. Frank doesn’t follow me, not like they do in the movies.
 
I took my time walking home that night. I hold my tears in until I get inside, and then it all comes out.”
 
“That’s horrible, Aspen. We’ve talked about it before, but no matter how hard or long I look into it, I can’t find the justice, it’s my job to do so, but I don’t think I can.”
 
I smile at her, it’s a little forced but it’s all I can manage at the moment.
 
“I guess it just makes me depressed. I had to hold back tears just reading what I have written. It makes something inside of me ache, I know it sounds stupid and cliché and I think so too, but it’s true. I hate him, no, I don’t hate him. I hate what he did; I hate how he could keep lying for a year. Most of all I hate that I was naïve enough to believe him when he said I love you.”
 
I sigh, and straightened out my paper.
 
“Saturday: Today’s memory is June 28^th, 2014.
 
I was sitting in the library, Frank across from me. I was trying to finish some homework that was due the next day, but he kept distracting me.
 
“Frank, please. I have to get this done.”
 
“Aspen, please. I have to get this done,” he mocked.
 
I raise my eyebrows, grinning, “what are you, five?”
 
“I might be, but you’re crazy if you think you’re actually gonna get this done.”
 
“Nooo, you’re crazy,” I pointed at him.
 
He gives me a sly look before replying, “Crazy in love with you.”
 
I looked up, and bursted out laughing. “That was horrible. But I love you as well.”
 
This one makes me feel depressed, but not really in a bad way. I don’t know. It just makes me miss feeling loved.”
 
“I understand the feeling.”
 
“Sunday:
 
I was sitting in the library, finishing up on some homework. I glanced up at the clock, 3:07. The door chimed, and I looked up. A boy had entered; my first thought was that he was cute. Light brown hair, I couldn’t see his eyes just yet, but I knew they’d be pretty. He looked over at me, and we made eye contact for a few seconds before I looked away.
 
Looking back at my work, feeling flustered, I tried to hurry and finish, I didn’t get anywhere before the chair in front of me slid out, and the boy sat down.
 
“I’m Frank. What’s your name?”
 
I gave him a slight smile, confused, “I’m Aspen. I haven’t seen you around before, are you new here?”
 
“Yeah, I just moved here. I’ll be coming to school here next year. What are you working on?”
 
“Just some homework, where did you move from?”
 
I make eye contact again, and this time I can see that his eyes are green. I realize d I was right, they were pretty. I didn’t hear what he said next, I was too lost in his eyes.
 
I like this one, mainly because it’s one of the ones that he was cheating on me in. God, my life is messed up.” I laugh.
 
We don’t talk about this one much, mainly because there’s nothing to talk about.
 
“Monday:
 
Today’s memory was short. I thank my brain for not deciding to kill me for too long.
 
Amelia and I were swinging, and Frank on a slide. It was peaceful, nobody else there but us.
Its dusk, and we should be leaving soon, but none of us wanted to be the first to point it out. When Amelia finally did, we all got up.
 
The walk home was quiet, until Amelia decided to break the silence.
 
“You guys would be a cute couple,” she stated simply.
 
Frank looked up at her, “I agree.”