volition

we were born to fullfill the arduous journey of meaning accomplishements, but sometimes in the modern life we seem to forget it.

In lofty posture
and sublime air
I face The parliament of self :
can I demand thee?

I want to be hanged by the noose of commitments
to toil in the grinds of the escaping hours,
It’s sweeter  for my liking  
It’s more gracious for my soul
than the knife of trivialities

there shan't be tempests of regrets vexing my serenity
only counted breaths of sweet goodbyes
i'll recumbently rest my bones
and dance with my perky memories
of my buoyant commitments
I leave my Clayey  box of trivialities


swayed with eager
ravished with love
to re-encounter  the eternal
 the one I’ve been searching for my whole life
so can I demand once again  ?

Reviews

[An owl on the moon]

I love your words of poetry... your wisdom and insights shared on life and love. We are distracted by much in this life, and do so often lose our way... find ourselves wandering restlessly. Yes, please... ask the profound questions, and wake us from our sleeping ways.

[Latifa]

thank you for your review dear Craig :)

[An owl on the moon]

Love to see you filled with inspiration. :)

[Christopher Robin]

Much of this appears to be lacking definition, grammar and flow in favour of more complex language. Without the basics, this takes away from the larger adjectives and adverbs, as well as the archaic language.
Some examples:

- 'Parlement' - unless you've decided to drop some pre-revolutionary french in there (eng. "to speak"), it's a misspelling of 'parliament', or it's severely out of context.
- thou Can I demand unto thee? (eng. "You (possessive) can I demand on/before you?). It doesn't make any sense either way, and there's a rogue capital C in there.
- 'I want to be hanged...trivialities' , these two lines are missing a connecting adverb, such as 'rather'. You would prefer the noose scenario to the knife scenario yes? The preference is not indicated, you have just stated both scenarios - the 'than' which comes before 'the knife' is floating, and purposeless in this regard.
- Serenity can't be toiled, (where toiling is meaning 'working towards') without a preposition, you can toil 'toward' serenity, you could be toiling 'away at my' serenity. Yet its use here seems to indicate something destructive, did you perhaps mean 'foiling' ?
- Recumbently, I'm no dictionary, but I don't think this is a real word, or adverb, unless it means 'of being recumbent' (to be lying down). It's just not used in this way, you sleep recumbent, not recumbently.
- Clayey, technically correct, but very uncommon - 'clay-like' or 'clayish' are much more widely used, another rogue capital C in there.

Several others but just pointing out that this requires some serious editing, is English your first language? If not, excellent, but be wary of grammar when fishing in a thesaurus.
Aside from it being a mouthful for the mind, and extremely hard work for the reader as a result, the point that you get across is well made and poignant. I would try not to hide such a brilliant point behind so much unnecessary flowery language, it will go over the heads of most (looking at you, other reviewers).

A difficult idea difficultly defined.

- Christopher Robin

[Latifa]

thank you for this excellent review, I always look for people to point out my mistakes so that I can learn, english is not my native language, it's my 3rd one.
I will edit the poem and try to refine my grammar mistakes.
thank you once again :)

[Christopher Robin]

Your 3rd? Well please understand I'm nitpicking at some fairly advanced grammar intricacies here, it's an excellent job for a non-native speaker, but if you're publishing work in English you probably want it to make complete sense in English! You're doing far better than most of the people who are native English speakers.

You are welcome.

- Christopher Robin

[Latifa]

thank you, My native language is arabic, french than comes english, I'm trilingual.
and yes you're right, I always try to deliver a correct write in english because I have a tremendous love and respect for it.

[Leslie Philibert]

This is a demanding poem that needs work from the reader, but an interesting write !

[Latifa]

thank you for the review :)

[Coyote Poetry]

Powerful and strong words.
"I want to be hanged by the noose of commitments
than the knife of trivialities
It’s sweeter for my liking
It’s more gracious for my soul"
I liked the above lines a lot. The poem description create vision and you left the reader with something to think about. Thank you for the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Latifa]

thank you for the review

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

Once and a while, we have to stand still and think about our life, what we have done and still have to do. This poem made me think about this, Latifa. Very well done. :) Rudi

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

This makes me explore what it is that I want out of life.
Heavy words.

[Latifa]

thank you for the review

[Alfred Kukitz]

When I find you Latifa in the eternal wind I will kiss your hand for the beautiful poem you gracefully shared with me. Look for me as I will look for you!

Regards,
Al

[Latifa]

oh dear, how splendid, I really appreciate you Alfred, you had made my day happy :)
all my best wishes for you

[Alfred Kukitz]

Ah that wonderous hand and a wonderous soul. I bow!

[Saddam]

A powerful present with a rich words.
Great one friend.

[Linda alexander]

I want to be hanged by the noose of commitments
than the knife of trivialities
Great message and well penned

[Sami Khalil]

" regret toiling my serenity
only counted breaths of sweet goodbyes"

As we all know, any lost regrets can become lessons. Any lost opportunities can become chances. With eagerness, you sway us with your truth of experience...Excellent...:).......

[Latifa]

thank you Sami :)

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)..............