Very nice work Latina. The flow and feeling is excellent. I do have a couple of questions. First, in the last line, what is your context for using "pegging?". As it has a vulgar slang meaning, I wonder if you truly meant to use begging. Second, for the sake of flow, the line "With no drops of elixir peace" would flow better as "With no drops of peace's elixir."
I have read the line "And the flask of reasons has dried up" several time now. Grammatically it suggests you mean a vessel called the flask of reasons. If that is the intent, spot on. On the other hand, if the intent is to describe a lack of reason, it needs the singular noun and reads better as something like "And the flask of reason has dried up".
Please do not take this too critically, all the points are technical and open for debate. From the standpoint of enjoyment, it needs nothing.
Posted 10 Years Ago
10 Years Ago
thank you so very much friend for the critics, for the first one I meant begging , it's just a typo .. read morethank you so very much friend for the critics, for the first one I meant begging , it's just a typo error , I thank you for pointing to it and for the rest I like your adjustment
as for the flask of reasons I meant as you thought a vessel called the flask of reasons
thank you once again I'll edit the mistakes .
"the cave you fear the enter, holds the treasure you seek"
Joseph cambell
this quote is my thriving recipe for dwelling in the enchanting castle of words, more..