Awakened eyes

keep your soul awake and hand your trust to the worthy

the snare of the enemies is laid beneath a rosy parlour

and the flourish buds are nothing but thorns

the zealous eyes are waiting fervently for me to fall.........

declare the knowing of the hidden

declare the notion of fight

docile spirit is rising

clothing her skin with new garment

the garment of the gallants

the garment of the knights

 

Reviews

[stars are far]

well done ...:)
And I think you are new to me... you welcomed :)

[Mike Emil]

the crusades are over
chivalry be damned!!!
HAI!!!

[Ruth]

Internal strength here and a lot of it! Amazing display of philosophy...wonderful x

[Mark]

this speaks to me of enemies that look so nice, and the zealots... but there is fight and hope in the words. Very nice.

[Clouded in Hopeful Illu..]

This piece is filled with large and heavy words for such a short piece. There is a lot of vagueness in the piece that doesn’t give way to too much of the concept you would like to get through. If you flushed this out, and put more sensory descriptions, it would help readers to connect with the piece on a more personal level.

“the snare of the enemies is laid beneath a rosy parlour” – the word parlour is actually a synonym for a living room. I believe the word you are looking for is pallor. If you use a present tense, it also gives your readers more of a sense of being in the poem.
“the snare of the enemies [lays] beneath [her/his] rosy pallor”

“the zealous eyes are waiting fervently for me to fall.........” – the ellipses isn’t really necessary, if you keep the break to the next line. Also, this is the only time in the poem where a first person speaker shows up. It is very jarring since there is nothing else in the poem that would suggest who this person is in relation to everything else going on in it.

You switch to present tense at the “declare”. Stick with one tense, and roll with it. Otherwise it can be incredibly confusing as to the timeline of the piece. This piece is a little too vague to be given much review as to the content of it.

[Latifa]

thank you for your honesty

[Clouded in Hopeful Illusions of False Delusions]

honesty is what makes us all better writers. It is a hard road for us writers and even a harder one to be recognized for it. My hopes go out to you - you have the potential to be a great writer.

[Leslie Philibert]

A poet I like, the alliteration or repeats in L4, L5 and L6 give this an insistant character, so lots of energy here..

[Latifa]

thank you for the review

[Angel]

This one will stay in my mind for some time.

[Latifa]

thank you ANGEL

[khalid]

very much mind provoking but nicely penned..

[Latifa]

Thank you Khalid

[Pryde Foltz]

docile spirit is rising
clothing her skin with new garment
the garment of the gallants
the garment of the knights

Most excellent flow and sentiment.

[Latifa]

Thank you Pryde