justice

this poem is about justice that became so hidden and burried this days

Crawling through the dungeons of wickedness

Searching for the shimmering light of the soul

For consciousness is not awakened

Life  can't carry on

Bleeding through the spirit

Whose spirit , what spirit

Spirit of the abducted beings 

The follish ones who are hypnotized

Buried under the slithering lies

 Justice is a drifting ghost

 Slain , maimed and laid  under the deadly knives

Reviews

[Ronnie]

I agree with mcg03002, if you make the changes it will be spot on. You're really good.

[mcg03002]

Latifa, I like this piece. Justice is such a noble topic for poets. :-)

A few comments:
1. On the third line I think you need to use the word "consciousness," a noun, rather than "conscious," an adjective.
2. The same comment as in #1 applies to the word "folly," in line eight. Folly is a noun...but you are using it to describe "ones"...which means you need an adjective. Perhaps the word "foolish" would work better.
3. In line six, are you asking the question "who is spirit?" or, are you asking "whose spirit"? If you are asking who the spirit is, then you might want to ask what the spirit is as well, changing "what spirit" to "what's spirit."

All in all, this was a very enjoyable read. I look forward to reviewing more of your work.

[Latifa]

thank you for the constructive review my friend

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Bleeding through the spirit
Who's spirit , what spirit
Spirit of the abducted beings

I love the musicality in the above lines. Reminds me of introspection and realization. Also, I think the theme "justice" is hard to write but you did it very well. :)

[Latifa]

thank you for the uplifting review hon

[annie lee]

Yes. Justice seems to be perverted and twisted so much these days. Evil is afoot, and it leaves its horrific foot prints all over us.

[Neon]

Very nice thoughts. Your truly right for your words. I loved the great deep imagination of the great poem. Nice imaginary.

[Johanna]

Nicely penned! :) I´d keep writing carrying out your passion, your really good! :)

[Latifa]

thank you dear

[Great Aunt Astri]

Yes, there has been a lot of siritual carnage done by our wicked world. Lets hope it survives with lessons learnt.
I don't normally like poems with no punctuation ... I find it confusing and can't make sense of it. But I read your poem through several times till the meaning became clear, and actually I really enjoyed it.

[Chris]

I wonder if it's justice or revenge so often wanted. Anger isn't wrong of itself - but it is so often blind in the hurt it causes.

Your words brought thought-full comments - but do they match your intent?

[Tiffany Boles]

Mmm...I too, I wonder if justice is just a drifting ghost I'll never see. Wonderfully written!