You Will Find Me

You will find me

with my head in my hands

tears down my face

stuck in a memory 

of happier times

when you were here 

and everything was fine.

You will find me

begging for forgiveness

from all the sins I had committed

and all the things I had said

because I didn't appreciate you

when you were here.

You will find me

in a room littered with 

scrunched up pieces of paper

strewn with ink 

the words I cannot say

but only write

in my serenity

that is where you will find me.

Reviews

[emipoemi]

I like the the flow and the narrative! That is stupendous!! The imagery is vividly brilliant. If you don't mind my giving you a a couple of small suggestions for tweaks:

- Stanza 1's flow is sublime. The half rhymes/assonance on the last little bit adds a nice touch that you should consider doing for every stanza.

- "When you were here" at the end of the second stanza undermines the "when you were here" in the first. In concordance with my first comment, try fiddling around with that so you get a rhyme/assonance with "said".

- The very last line of the poem again is undermining, because the fact that you begin every stanza beautifully with "you will find me", you shouldn't end the poem with that, because all it's doing is undermining the power that the other repetitions have, and the ending is rendered anticlimactic.

Experiment with this....you can def make this the gem that it's worthy of being. Well done!