My Friends

I have decided to open up about my past here. I have diabetes, numerous health issues now due to not taking medication and putting myself in hospital to try and make people care.

My friends stopped visiting my bedside. 

I started to diminish rapidly.Thinking that people actually cared about me was my demise. 

I quiet frequently sit and reflect about what life I had and how I wish I had have changed. 

All those times that I said I was taking my medicine and not skipping any injections... I lied. 

I just wanted people to care. I just wanted Mother to come and hold me, embrace me, love me. 

She never did. She left and never answered her calls from me. 

I wanted to die.

 I hated my life and everything in it, I was hoping for the sweet embrace of death to grip me and pull me close in a hug that I craved. A hug that Mother could never give me. 

I wish I had have died, maybe then she would love me...

I lay in my hospital bed now, and think as clearly as I can muster while on Morphine for the pain.

My kidneys in over time, excruciating pain that I can't begin to fathom. I can't move or lay down, the aching of swollen organs, begging me to let them slip away and shut down...

The doctor enters, pitying me..

Saying I'll be lucky to make it to twenty one.. That's only five weeks away.. 

And still my friends don't visit.