Drowning

I hate the water, yet you make me swim. 

Why did you bring me here?

I would find comfort standing on the shore

but out in the ocean I feel weak and uncertain

wishing I could get back to safety

with my feet safely on the golden, brown sugar sand.

I begged you not to take me out so far

and now you won't help me swim back.

I struggle to capture my breath

I'm so overwhelmed that it hurts

burns in my lungs

I inhale the water and the salt stabs my throat.

A thousand little needles sewing up my esophagus

so that I can't expel the bitter water that should be refreshing.

The darkness is calling me

I always thought I'd see the light

but it's only darkness trying to embrace me

steady me

comfort me

I'm drowning.

And just as I do,

You pull me up.

Grasping at my skin 

screaming my name.

I close my eyes 

and pray to G-d 

to take me now and release me from the vines of hell. 

G-d have your way. 

I don't want to be here

let me drown and cast my body to the ocean.

But I am suddenly back on the shore

in dry clothes 

under the sun

with children building sand castles 

turning dreams into reality 

just for the day.