The Girl From Nantucket.

There once was a girl from Nantucket…

Who wanted to pour her heart in a bucket.

And give it to the boy she loved most.

But that boy was just a ghost.

He could not grab this bucket she held.
But his name is the only thing she yelled.
He came when she called.
His appearance never stalled.

She tried to touch him, but her finger went right through.
She wanted to hold him, but didn’t know how to.
With a tear down her face, she managed to speak
Her hands were shaking as was very weak.

“I don’t know how to love you with such a veil,
But I poured my heart into this pail.”
She breathed her last breath, and left her host.
This is the story of the girl who loved a ghost.

Reviews

[Jasmine]

there are parts of this that are really great - e.g. the last verse, which is beautiful and has a great flow. The rest of it, with a little "tweaking" could be just as good, if you adjust some of the words so that the syllables and therefore the rhythms are slightly different, creating a better flow... but apart from that, great work, the rhymes are good (which is hard to do :)

[Wolfwind Words]

This was a great tale, using a well know rhyming scheme. I liked the images that you invoked and the emotions of the girls need to share her love with the ghost.

A really wonderfully cute piece of ink!

Wolfie

[there is no more from m..]

amazing a grate write well done

[Chirinos20]

This is a great write. I like how your poem rimes. It has a lot of emotion witch makes it even the more greater. thanks for sharing. Keep on writing!!!

[Jonathan Ballam]

This is an interesting and quirky piece that you have written. I enjoyed the storyline this poem followed.

My advice would be to stick to poetry. Read more poetry inorder to write better, and absorb yourself with fresh images.

Keep it up

[xXx]

if this is true to your heart .. refocus on the imagery and take more time in chosing the words to describe .. what is she "pouring" FROM her heart into this bucket?

last line is a given from lines above .. you are trying to say something important so say it, don't restrict yourself from using any words in the dictionary or beyond.

[Wharton]

It's an interesting form of limerick, which is both simple and with a sense of innocence to it. I get this sense of elusiveness in the poem, which of course could account for that ghost-like theme you reveal at the end.