Chapter 6: Is this a dream?

I’m in a dark room. Where am I? I try looking for a light switch, but I can’t find one. Maybe I can use my phone. I reach into my back pocket looking for my phone. I pull it out and turn on the flash light. Where am I? I’m in a weird room. It’s kind of an oval shape. The walls are painted pink and the floors are covered in pink carpet. I’ve definitely never been here before. I don’t like it here. Where’s the door? All the furniture here looks weird. It’s all pink and has a weird pattern. It almost looks like a bunch of worms twisting and turning over each other. I shine the light all around me. There’s a giant filing cabinet on the other side of the room. Next to it is a smaller cabinet. There’s a sign above them that I can’t read. I walk towards it. What does that say? I finally get close enough to read the signs. The bigger one says;

“Long-Term Memory”.

The smaller one says;

“Short-Term Memory”.

Are those mine?

I open the middle drawer of the smaller cabinet. There are hundreds of files. All labeled. I browse through the titles.

“Science Exam, Questions”

Boring.

“Yesterday’s Lunch”

Boring.

“Charlotte Kissing Ethan”

Rage. I pull out the file and tear it to pieces. I throw them to the ground. They land within centimeters of each other, but are slowly moving closer together. Before my eyes, the pieces put themselves back together. I pick it up again and tear it apart. Again, the file reforms. I can’t destroy it. I  put the file back in its place and close the drawer. Turning to the bigger cabinet, I open a drawer. It looks the same as the other one. I scan through the file names and my eyes stop at one.

“The Night Dad Died”

I pull it out and open it. There’s a flash. A bright, white light.

 

I’m in my room, except, it doesn’t look like my room. It looks like it did two years ago. Wait, is that me? Thirteen year old me is sitting on her bed. She’s on the phone.

 

“Okay. I’ll ask them now and call you back.”

 

The person on the other line says something.

 

“Okay. Bye.”

 

She hangs up and leaves the room. I follow. She can’t see me. I follow her down the stairs. Mom and Dad are watching TV together. They greet young me.

 

“Mom, Dad, you know my friend Sarah? Well, it’s her birthday this weekend and she’s taking everyone camping for her party. She invited me and I was wondering if I could go?”

 

She stands quietly, waiting for their answer. Mom and Dad look at each other and speak at the same time. Dad says she can go as Mom says she can’t. Mom is shocked to hear Dad say she can go. Dad is shocked to hear mom say she can’t go.

 

“You can’t be serious. You think she should go? She’s not spending the weekend with people we’ve never met before.”

 

“I’ve met Sarah’s parents and they’re very nice people. I trust them and I think Kendall should go and have fun.”

 

“She’s not going!”

 

At this point they’ve started yelling. My younger self and I know that a fight like this was coming sooner or later. We both stand and watch. Even though I’ve already been through this it feels just like it did before.  Dad is really mad now and is about to leave.

 

“That’s it! You’re crazy. I can’t stay here with you.”

 He grabs his wallet and his car keys. I feel like I should stop him, but I know I can’t. He walks out the door and slams it. Little me runs out the door as he pulls out the drive way, calling to Dad. He rolls down the window and calls to her.

 

“I’ll be back to get you tomorrow. Tell your brother and sister that I’m coming to pick you all up tomorrow. I’ll take you to get everything you need for this weekend. I love-“

 

A car comes barrelling around the corner and hits Dad’s car as he’s backing out of the driveway. His car spins in circles and crashes into a tree a few houses down. A branch, loosened by a big storm from a few days ago, falls out of the tree and lands on the roof of the car. It crushes the door so no one can get them open. The little girl freezes. I know what she’s feeling. It’s like getting punched in the stomach. I feel it too. Neither of us can breathe. Mom comes running outside and sees the branch on top of Dad’s car. She screams so loud the dogs a street over start barking. Neighbours are pouring out of their houses. At least three people are on the phone with 911. My brother and sister come outside. They stand behind the girl I used to know. I remember, this is the day I lost myself. Mom’s hysterical. A neighbour comes over to calm her down, but it doesn’t help. I can hear sirens on the distance. People are trying to lift the branch of the car. They finally succeed, but can’t open the door. I can feel the tears falling to my cheek, but I don’t wipe them away. I just had to watch my own father die, again. One time was awful enough. I start screaming. I know that no one can hear me, but I can’t stop. I run down the driveway, onto the street. I run to his car. Since I don’t exist in this world, I can get into the car. He’s not dead yet. He’s saying something. I get closer to him.

 

“Kendall, I’m sorry-“

 

Silence. He’s gone now. I keep screaming.

 

“Dad! No! You can’t die again! Please! Dad! No!”

 

I look down at him. He’s never coming back.

 

****

 

“Kendall, wake up.”

 

Someone is shaking me. It’s Ethan. I’m shaking and sweating again. I’m freezing cold. It was a dream. A nightmare. A nightmare I lived through. I tell Ethan about my dream and he tells me everything is going to be alright. It’s not going to be alright though. It’s never going to be alright.

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