BLood Spilt

 

 

       I sat in my room, starring out the window. Watching the rain in streams run over until they fell to the soft grass. Sure it sounds nice, but really its awful. A day couldn’t be any more stressful. I had found out, my mom was on her death bed. She would scream in the night, cry when the sun broke free of the darkness, and stay still, as if time was frozen. And then it would start all over again.

         I got up, and moved over, to where it sat. Cold and silver. My exacto knife, it sat there taunting me. I sat on the edge, laying my head on the head board, just looking at it. The light shined on it,  making it gleam. I slowly picked it up, holding it in my hand for a few minutes, wondering and going through what I knew. I pulled it to my arm, and slowly put it to it. It bleed a deep red, and it spilled over my leg, staining my jeans and floor. A low moan escaped, and then I didn’t feel anything. I smiled and did another, making it an X.

         I lifted my head up, looking at my door. The bleeding didn’t stop, but it bleed less and less. Until, okay, it did stop. I wiped the exacto, and set it next to the lamp, where the light resumed, making it shine.

         “Bri, come here.” My dad yelled.

         I slowly walked down, hiding my cuts with the the sleeve of my pull over. I looked at the sleeve of my jacket, making sure it wasn’t showing anything I had done. I even checked the ceiling where my room was, to make sure it hadn’t gone through.

         “Bri come here. There’s a boy on the phone.” My dad eyed me and I grabbed the phone and walked away.

         “Hello?”

         “Bri, its me, Travis.”

         “Travis, hi, ummm.”

         “You gave me your number, just if you don’t remember. And I thought I would call you.”

         “Oh, right, I totally remember that, yeah, totally.”

         I talked with Travis forever it seemed, keeping out, how I spilt my own blood on my floor. He’d be over tonight, and he would see. Probably, he would wonder why a 13 year old girl, cut. And I would wonder why a soon to be 14 year old would care. And then I remembered, he’s my boyfriend, and he's coming down from New Jersey, to see me, thats why he would care. I changed from my blood stained jeans, and threw them to the side. I put my shorts on, counting on that it would be sunny earlier. Then, just to ruin my dad, a crash of thunder rang through the air, and I sighed. I looked over at the stained floor, how would I explain that, to anyone? Says it was part of my science project? No one would believe me.

         I jumped when someone or something knocked on the door. I walked over slowly, it was still raining. I opened the door, and Travis was standing there. He smiled, starring deep into my eyes. I tried speaking, but I couldn’t remember how to. Then I remembered, I had a tank-top on, I put my jacket on, and smiled at him again.

         “Your much prettier in real life, than you pictures.” He said as I let him inside, but not before starring at the rain fall and make mini splashes.

         “Thanx. I think I look better in my pictures. But anyway.”

         He smiled and took his jacket off. He had a reddish brown shirt on, and faded jeans. I quickly walked past the living room, where my dad was sitting reading his daily news. I waited for Travis, my dad didn’t seem to notice him. We walked up the stairs and to my room. It was dark. I quickly slid the small rug over the blood stain.

         Then, I heard a scream from my mom. It brought tears to my eyes, she yelled my name, again and again. I couldn’t make my legs move. Then I ran to my mom. She was paler than she was the other day. Her hair was messy, but her smile, her smile was still perfect. She let out another scream, gripping her chest.

         “Dad! Please come and help!”

         My mom wasn’t breathing right, and I could feel Travis watching me at the door. She was coughing a lot and she couldn’t breath. Tears ran down my cheeks. I talked to her, cooing like she was a child, trying to comfort her. She coughed again, and this time blood came with it.

         “No, mom, here, its okay. Its okay mom, I’m here.”

         “Get out of my way!” My dad yelled at Travis, and came rushing to my mom.

         He pushed me out of the way. She shook her head, and gargled my name. He glared at me, and I couldn’t move again. I couldn’t move.

         “Move Bri, now!”

I ran over to my mom, holding her hand. She tried smiling and coughed again. Gripping her chest, and coughing again, blood going all over her. I cried hard. Her breathing then went back to normal, she calmed down, and closed her eyes.

         “I’m alright Bri, I’m alright.” She said, hardly understandable.

         “I know, how dose your chest feel?”

         She didn’t answer. I said it again, and she didn’t answer. Her hand gripped my hand tightly, and then it loosened, until her hand fell palm up. I backed away, crying. I ran down the stairs, not being able to see anything, all of it just a blur. Like a fog set in around my eyes. I stumbled outside, already soaking wet. I fell on my way to the tree, mud going all over me.

         I didn’t move. I put my hands on my eyes, and cried. I felt hands on my shoulder. I still didn’t move, the mud on my knees felt more reassuring than the hands on my shoulder.

         “Bri, I’m sorry.”

         I tried speaking to Travis, but I had no engery to speak. The world seemed as if it was crashing around me. There was no use to live. I starred at the mud on my hands, and the every where on me. I couldn’t move, it was to hard. My head was spinning. Travis moved so he was starring in my eyes. I smiled shyly at him. I blinked once, and he was moving away from me. I got up and ran after him, but he was moving and I wasn’t. I screamed for him, yelled for him. He didn’t listen.

         I sat bolt upright in bed, sweat beads running down my forehead. Travis was beside me, sleeping. He looked peaceful, compared to my dream. But it wasn’t. I had mud on my hands, and the light in the hallway, that use to gleam a bright yellow, now was dull. That only ment it was on for more than 3 hours. I heard quiet sobbing in my mothers room. I got out of bed, noticing the change in my clothes.

         I really didn’t want to think of my dad dressing me like a little kid like he use to. My feet hurt, and so did my head. I could hear people laughing, trying to drown out the crying. I walked into my moms room, she was there, my dad was there. And he was crying. He looked up from my moms hands that he held, tying them with his. His eyes were red from him rubbing them. He sat up and glared. I really, don’t think he liked me, ever. I think I was a mistake to him, and my mom pleaded to keep me. I liked my mom, she always understood me. But now, she wouldn’t be able to hear me, no matter how much I cried for her. Or she would be able to hear me, but she wouldn’t be able to talk to me.

 

 

 

 

 

         “We all knew and loved Sarah. She was a very loving woman. Always there to help anyone who needed it. We will all miss her dearly.”

         The preacher went on, talking about my mom, then asking people if they wanted to say anything about her. I was quiet, and getting up in front of people, even my class mates, would make me blush. I’m not very good with doing things in front of people. Its not my speciality. The funeral ended, they buried my mom. I cried like a little girl. But it didn’t matter anymore.

         Travis held my hand, and walked me home. The only thing good about this summer, was that Travis was able to come and spend it with me. Later that night, I sat in bed, starring at the new cut I put on my arm. Cutting just a little bit deeper every week.

            Every time, making sure, he didn’t see. He never noticed the blood on the floor that stained my jeans ever time I cut. Or maybe he did, and he was afraid to confront me. I don’t know, I never knew. I felt I lost everything when my mother passed away.

            I laid my head down and and starred at the dress I had worn. Black silk. My mom had bought it for me to wear at my grandfathers memorial. It was pretty, but reminded me to much of her. I would get rid of it, leaving the memories of them both in the dress.

            I didn’t make a move to destroy it, the only thing that really held me close to my mom was that dress. We hadn’t argued the day I got it, we had gotten along. I laid my head back down and starred more at the dress. Slowly I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

            I don’t remember dreaming that night. Well, at least I don’t remember dreaming any good dreams. All I remember is, a white room, me and my mom separated by glass. We couldn’t talk through the glass, even when I yelled my loudest. She put her hand to it, and I copied. I couldn’t even feel the warmth of her hand. All I felt was the cold, hard glass.

            I couldn’t take it. I cried, my mom tried comforting me. Then a bright light was in the distance, and I screamed, my mom didn’t notice. I screamed for her to run, to run away from the light. But it engulfed both of us and I woke up with tears running down my face.

            Travis was there rubbing my  back, and I wasn’t crying because of the dream anymore, I was mentally breaking down. Voices in my head, screaming at me, saying its my fault. Not anyone else's fault. Travis cooed in my ear, it didn’t help. I ended, and couldn’t look away from my hands.

            Travis’s eyes were on me, I could feel him. Sixth sense. His hands held mine, and I looked up into his eyes. He had a worried expression, but then I smiled and he did too. Making his expression brighten. He starred deep into my eyes, moving closer to me. His eyes got closer to mine, I felt paralyzed under his stare.

            Our faces were closer,  my breathing quickened, and then I looked at his lips and back at his eyes. He kissed my lips lightly, then passionately. He put his hand on the side of my neck. Leaving one of my hands free to put it on his hand that was on my neck. I kissed back, not wanting it to end. His lips moved to my neck, kissing lightly. I smiled, and so did he. His smile felt good against my skin. I pulled him closer to me. Afraid to louse him. Then my dad appeared in the door way. Glaring even more.

            “Get off her!”

            Travis looked at my dad, scared. My dad was red in the face, mostly from crying, but it worked like he was mad.

            “Get out, I don’t want to see you here anymore!’

            “No.” I said to my dad.

            “Bri, don’t tell me what to do, I tell you what to do, not the other way!” He was yelling.

            “DAD! I will, your not the dad that was my dad when I was 3. Your not him. If Travis goes, then I go with him! And then you end up lousing me and mom, so you can just sit on your bed, and wonder why I left. Then it will come to you, that it was your fault I left.”

            More tears fell down his cheeks. “Never bring you mother into this!”

            I didn’t answer, just grabbed my clothes threw them in a bag, put all of the things that were important to have. Even put another pair of shoes in it. I put all the money I had saved up in the bag. And moved past my dad, Travis behind me.

            “You made her do this.” He was crying harder. “Please Bri don’t leave me, I’ll be alone. I love you.”

            Tears ran down my face, I put everything in the back of my car, and got in. Travis did the same, and I drove out of the drive way and down the road. I stopped at a hotel, fifteen miles away from home. I got a room, 113 to be exact. It was small, but it fit.

            “I don’t know what to do.” I said, laying next to Travis, my head on his chest. His hand pushing hair out of my face.

            “You’ll find a way, you always do.”

            “I could find a place to live at, maybe an apartment. It will be lonely though.”

            “What about me?”

            “What about your mom and dad? What would they do?”

            “Nothing, they can’t tell me what to do. I love you, and I’m not letting you live on your own.”

            I smiled, lightly laying on top of him. I was tired, and listening to Travis’s heart was making it worse. He kissed my lips lightly and I fell asleep. I didn’t sleep well, I never slept well. So I guess it was normal.   To be continued......

Reviews

[bluessadmood]

That was a very vivid description ,of losing someone so close,I ve always wondered ,about how strong that bond
could be..that if it was cut ,we would surly like to die and both leave,I think its that chord that separeates the two at birth
and you will be given life only when its cut,so if she was to be gone,the memories that chord carried are so strong..
your description of the sadness of losing a mother was so strong ,really haunting,its like losing your own self..
you certainly have a wonderful style at writing,very strong images and the flow so good..
I really loved this ,though it was really saddening..
lovely very sad write..