Journal Entry 2

Talking again...

I don't know where I left off in the first entry but it doesn't matter, it never matters. What matters is where I am now. I'm at love, I'm in love. With this man that I can't explain. If I could explain him I don't think I would love him. I can't even explain why I love him, I didn't choose him. I even tried not too, but something in me needs him, nakedly needs him. It makes my heart beat a little abnormally, and sometimes unconsciously I hold my breath. I don't know if we'll make it until forever because I have selfish tendencies, but I won't ever doubt that this is love, even if it's only for awhile.

sometimes I think I deserve better. He doesn't open doors or any of that s**t. He doesn't believe in the tradition of proposing with a ring, or raising children in one stable environment. He thinks it'd be great to live forever.

sometimes I think I don't deserve him. I catch him just staring at me, and I know its nothing but love. He thinks I'm beautiful and intelligent. And I love him so much solely for the fact that I'm so difficult... and he loves me. I know this is wrong, you shouldn't love someone because they love you, but for some reason I need him to love me. I've never needed anyone to love me, if anything I encourage them not too.