Melodious Snowflakes

A beautiful rendition.

How beautiful you looked when i met you. You took time to show me things I've never known. How lovely it is when there's a sparkle in your eyes. You danced around my head, the bed.....I never reached it till you hand was behind my head. I love everything about you. The way you smile is the most brilliant rendition of chills I could ever hope to see. You send chills when you touch my spine, just running your hands up and down. Holding mine.

Author's Note

My first ever prose poem. I hope I did this right. Opinion?

Reviews

[Y.F.]

Hmm, the more of your work I read the more I see a recurring pattern in your subjects (not that it's such a bad thing.. :))
The men in your poems are always ideal, and I'm starting to doubt that they have something to do with reality, though I must admit I'd be quite jealous if you say otherwise.
Now subjects aside, I've really enjoyed the form, and although I'm usually not a fan of poems written as a passage you've actually made this one work for me.
This poem is much more insinuating than the last one I've reviewed, although I've noticed that you tend to write around what you actually mean in your work, which I truly respect.
Most noticeable line - "You danced around my head, the bed....." - just because you left us hanging there at the perfect spot.
Bottom line - more than enjoyable. :)

[deeps]

this was just a beuatiful write here.
I think it's wonderful.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

" till you hand was behind " "You" should be "your" and here, "The way you smile is the most brilliant rendition of chills I could ever hope to see. You send chills when you touch my spine" you mention the chills twice. Try to use some other adjective or descriptive metaphor to express the same thought without the use of repetition. It will greatly strengthen the form. Something like (The way you smile sets me tingling inside. Chills run down my spine, simply from your hand; touching mine) Well, you get the picture, just try not to use the same word to express a thought twice. That's all I got for ya. I hope it helps.

[An owl on the moon]

This was simply stunning and beautiful. Filled with all those elements that let you sense the depth of love and emotion. Wonderful prose poetry!