Haunted city. (chapter 1)

A ghost town. (part one)

           Into the unknown ghost town we come, bottle of jack and rum, rum, rum. The coldness comes from a quick, smoke these cigaretes every last stick. Down this hill we drive, creatures, creature steal our minds. The darkness spreads around, out of nowhere we all fall down. From three to two, we can't find you. Chatter..chatter..chatter..Fear uncrotralable in our hearts, skeletons head our way from the demon's park. We began to run, now run run run, to the hospital of unborn suns, Patients stare from there sides, the sites we see can never better in time. The darkness spreads around, from two to one. Now I'm the only one, To the cemetery of witches I head, to find my name inscripted on a death bed.

Author's Note

advice

Reviews

[Adam :P]

yes, i have trouble with grammar and puncuations, something i really need to wor on bad!! but yeah. im going to go over it, and add a little more and change a few lines. But its something new for me.

[S Sanders]

Deep if you read between the lines. As far as advice--there are a few spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors, but... For instance, in the second line are you saying "the coldness comes quick; smoke these cigarettes to the last stick?" The way the comma is placed makes me stumble there. Overall though, like I said, I get the message.