Warriors.

Warriors.

A Poem by Adam :P
"

Well.

"

Darkness spreads around the sky above us,

So we pass our glances' of goodbye.

No one said a word.

No one made a sound.

We knew it ended here and we accepted that.

© 2010 Adam :P


Author's Note

Adam :P
not the type of writing i usualy do but i thought maybe give it a try see how it works out. plus my grammar is bad so those ; don't even know if they go there. :)

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Reviews

I think this was very powerful. I loved that it was short, but still could feel emotion within it. I loved it. Thanks for sharing. :D

Posted 13 Years Ago


Short and powerful.

Posted 13 Years Ago


I like this poem better than your others. I think you've started something with this one. Write more of this. As for this one: polish it up and it'll shine. I like the title also.

Suggestions:

Try present tense. I think it'll give it a sense of immediacy.
Semi-colon's work but not the best choice.
The third line could probably combined into a stronger sentence.
her=here?

Posted 13 Years Ago


Simple and eloquent aside from the fact that 'glance's' should be 'glances' this was amazing. You didn't drown the reader with over embellishments. Some writers don't know how to do that. Bravo =)

Posted 13 Years Ago


[send message][befriend] Subscribe
Jae
its interesting. I found this piece lovely and thought provoking. Also i liked the style. You should write more things like this. Good job.

~Rem

Posted 13 Years Ago



Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

149 Views
5 Reviews
Rating
Added on December 22, 2010
Last Updated on December 23, 2010

Author

Adam :P
Adam :P

sherman, United States Minor Outlying Islands



About
I'm 20, got one kid who was just born in 2010 november named Hayden, I am a single parent and share custody of the little guy :). I love writing lyrics, I have no musical talent, so I stuck with jus.. more..

Writing
Out Alive. Out Alive.

A Poem by Adam :P


a a

A Poem by Adam :P


These kids These kids

A Poem by Adam :P