My Promise

a flash fiction, romantic tradgety. I had written a joke sonnet for my girlfriend a while back which I have subsequently lost. She asked me to write her a new something, and to make it serious. (of co

My iron helmet falls heavily onto my head. My eyes, filled with fury and determination are as black as coal with a glint of light in the corner. A glint of hope. I will return to you, my love.

I have my honor to my king. For his glory and with his mine, I prepare for battle. The playing field has been set. Chivalry will be displayed. Let what is my duty begin.

Stepping onto the battlefield after the long ride with the convoy of my troops I felt a sense of peace. Not a sense of peace as in resolve and acceptance, but peace as in the battlefield was empty except for my army. Where was my enemy? I felt uneasy. At that moment, a fog of arrows flew from over the opposite treeline. Many of my men were taken by surprise and struck. I had no choice but to watch their hopeful eyes turn to worried ones and then finally to a lifeless vision of peace and rest.

I command what remains of my army to fall into battle and we eagerly rush in. As we reach the treeline we can see our enemy on the other side. They look very similar to us, just as much human as I. My love, I will return with glory and riches at hand.

Passing the first trees, I realize my chest plate is loose. I feel a breeze on my back. Nay, it proved not a breeze, but an axe. The feeling of the steel did not pain me, it was only cold. It has taken me by surprise. My blood spurts out in a thick ooze. Almost so red it turns blue. Blue blood, I am royalty, I thought. My love would be so proud.

My men gather to defend me their leader. However late it may be. They are taken out one by one. Just as well, I feel myself slipping into a daze. Everything slips out of and into focus. Falling into semi unconsciousness. Not yet, I promised. I am leaving my love behind. Even if I promised her. My glory and riches were all to be shared with her. Alas, deaths sweet kiss makes me unfaithful to her. For deaths kiss is much sweeter and kinder right now. A kiss I long for before I resolve to allow deaths embrace in.

Goodbye my love. I have failed to fulfill my promise.

Author's Note

there may be grammar problems, point them out but thats not my focus for why i'd want to be judged on.

Reviews

[Charlie B]

The message is solid, the description is very clear and the ending is extremely well written. A tad sad, but still well written. Beginning of the third paragraph you wrote "The battle field was empty. Where were my enemies? I felt uneasy." Though, immediately before you talked about peace and made several references to it. I would use a different adjective to describe his anxiety, something like "he trembled in anticipation, waiting for his enemies to strike at last."

Other than that, it was pretty damn good!

[Dave Klier]

oh thats damn good. Wish I would have come up with that earlier!