Chapter 1

   "Damn it! Just shut the hell up!" I yelled back at them as I stormed out the door, takeing my little brother with me. Again, I had no time to change out of my sweats and my unstarightened hair was up in a messy ponytail.
    I can't have a normal day, can I? Is that too much to ask? Probaly. Well then again, what do I expect. I mean, I've never really had a day someone whould call 'normal'. My life, I guess you can say its anything but normal.

   Im the middle child. Parents are alwasy fighting with eachother and with Ando (when hes home). I hate him so much. He dosent deserve to be called my older brother. I feel bad for my little brother Ray. Hes only eight and has to deal with almost as much s**t as I do everyday. So when ever I'm around and they start to fight, I take him with me. Hes the only one who dosent hate me here... at least, i think. He can't hang with me and my friends. I dont want him to be around a bunch of metal heads, and at times, drunks. Not something hes ready for yet. I take him to our aunts. Shes nice enought to let him stay there, plus shes got a kid his age so he has someone to play with. I can't stay there, not anymore. I get bored.  

   "Are we going to Aunties again, Ren?" I heard Ray ask after we had walked about three blocks.

   "Yea. Be good, ok?" I handed him a little blue toy car with white flames painted on the side I found the other day and couldn't help but mess up his hair. "Well, here we are. Have fun kiddo."

   "I will! Promise! Thanks!" he beamed before he ran inside.

   "Ill be back tomorrow," I sighed before I walked off.

   Children are so easy to please, I thought to myself. Well, time to go. I quietly made my way to park on the other side of town. Schools gonna start in a few days... F**k. Don't want all the stress and drama. To much to deal with. Last year was such a pain. I sure hope as hell that this ones a whole lot better.

    Last year, I got into various 'fights' with people. In and out of school. Reason being, the very few I call my friends and I are different. We're not treated like everyone else. Just because they dont understand us or what we've been through dosent give them a right to judge us. I mean, they're probably just jelouse they dont have hair as great as mine. Ok, that sounded a bit gay.

   In the past three years, I've come extreamly close to commiting suicide. Not just once, various times. Often, i really do wish I was dead. But then again, who'd take care of little Ray? Um, nobody. Gosh, that kid brings out the little good in me. I force myself to be a 'good' big brother when I'm around him. I think im doing alright. I hope.

    In truth, I wish to feel complete. I wish i had someone who'd listen and actually care about me. Someone whos real, who understands me... a person who I could depend on. Someone who could depend on me. Yea, its a big world... but living in such a small town, I don't know if I'll find her. Damn. There i go again, feeling sorry for myself. I need to focus. Be more relistic. All i have to do is stay strong.

Author's Note

eepz itz short >.< oh wells... please tell me what you think >//<
first time trying to write more than just a poem... >_<

Reviews

[STAR CHILD]

this is a powerful story big sis

[madmocha]

Read chapter one. Chapter two is apparently being worked on.
Your delivery is pretty smooth, others have already talked about grammar, but it seems you're doing pretty well. Some word choices here and there, but, then again, not enough to be a big issue. The important thing is story telling, and you are doing really well there. You keep the readers interest.
Writing from the opposite gender perspective is interesting to try, but hard to accomplish effectively. A young writer especially just has so little experience with those different thought processes. Guys just don't think like girls. As a girl, it's hard for you to come across as a guy.
But still, your writing is well done. And every single story builds that level of experience. Keep it up. I'm interested to see what happens. And in the end result, that's the best complement. ;)

[LadyKarissa]

It is a short chapter but you can add on to it. Most of my chapters run between 8 and 10 pages long.

[Max]

The opening was amazing and it pulled me in right away. Though it does need some editing here and there I think it's a really good book.

[EMF]

Nice opening, with a florid voice and interesting style. Does need a good edit though, particularly where grammar and spelling are concerned. It does what a good book should though and makes me want to read the next bit

[Niki Wilson]

Loved it sakura! (Short for frozensakura)

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

Have a good edit, grammatically it needs to be tidy! However it is a fantastic opening, clear and great writing.

[dreaming dame]

:) Good beginning.

[Kenneth The Poet]

Minus some minor errors, nice work in my mind.

[joshua deathdealer]

Its just enough. Nicely done.