Memories

Among the tides we sleep
the birds soaring above the ocean
the fish swimming in the deep
and the boats swaying in motion

There is no one there to listen
as she sits alone to weep
the tears upon her face glisten
the memories are hers alone to keep

Author's Note

Let me know what you think... and how to improve.
~ Chole <3

Reviews

[quinfinn]

i think the first line could be a little more sensible but, other than that this is a very nicely arranged, cleverly worded and lovely poem. just a suggestion: you could change the first word of the first line to "above", suggesting that you are in a boat and reinforcing the "swaying in motion" reference. just a thought. all in all a great write...

[Stephen]

I love this!!!! I can picture it and relate to it!

[Silverwing]

I like it. I'll admit I don't know a lot about poetry nor how to critique it, but I personally think you capture feelings with your wording. I can hear the waves of the ocean, and see boats rocking, and birds flying, and fish swimming. I can also see the crying girl with no one to listen to her. I think its a metaphor for our existence and how we long for someone to talk to. We were made to be in fellowship with one another.