your universe

There is an orbit around you

and i find myself circling round

dizzier and dizzier with every spin

never wondering what season i'm in

but i always feel the same warmth

distancing at times

in the grander winter months

or scorching me throughout

your nasty little summers

but always a reminder

of never

not ever

being your sun

Author's Note

i'm not sure if this is done or not.

Reviews

[Richard Hartshorn]

Becky, this is quite the melancholy little piece. I really like how complete it seems to be, and how you're sort of "giving" some sort of figurative universe to someone with these words.

"in the grander winter months
or scorching me throughout
your nasty little summers
but always a reminder
of never
not ever
being your sun"

that whole thing is great. The line breaks are spot-on and the way it flows just rings with emotion.

[Eagle Cruagh]

'This is an exquisit little poem.
It gets attention, it is meaningful,
and it is interesting.
"What more do we need.
Its great.
----- Eagle Cruagh

[Xtabber]

It's done if you say it is. I liked it.

aww, I like it, it's quite short but it's quite subjective and sweet, I like these lines:
"dizzier and dizzier with every spin
never wondering what season i'm in"
they're rather good :) so well done! :) xx

[kitty_kelley]

Well it is a good poem it has many facets.... I like that your comparing things to the sun.