dear diary

Dear Diary,

I went to a concert. It was amazing. Everyone was pumped; the music was amazing. My throat grew hoarse from screaming and singing along, my meticulously done hair was screwed up halfway to hell by the time it was over. It was around five hours of enjoyment, pure and simple, except for about five minutes, two seconds. A love song. Now, I have no problem with love songs. They're lovely, as one might expect, they're sweet, and in general, I like them. Except when everyone around me is swaying in time, hand in hand, or kissing, are being couply and adorable and I'm not. I mean, don't get me wrong. It's not like I'm not used to it. But it made me feel so isolated - a lone shadow in a crowd of pairs.

I went to a waterpark. The wave pool was absolutely full - I could barely move an inch. The only people it was full of were children, their mothers, and couples. People pinning each other to the walls of the pool, kissing like there was no tomorrow, and again, I was alone. No one said a thing to me. I was hit with an innertube, in the head, forced underwater, choked and spat. Unnoticed. People were too involved with kissing each other. I swam to the 'shore,' feeling unwanted, wishing I had drowned.

I went to a movie. The couple kissed. The couples in the audience followed suite; the few who weren't coupled sighed dreamily. I felt envy. Is it wrong to feel this way? No one else seems to feel this way. Why is it just me? Why can't anyone understand it? I want to scream every time I see a couple, it's just unfair, it's unbearable. My closest friends have more luck than I do, and they always have. Every relationship I touch, I doom; those I attract are batshit insane and mistreat me. Hell, I'm batshit insane, I run from things that could be good for me, and then complain about them. I fall the hardest for what hurts the hardest.

Why can't I be normal like everyone else?

Reviews

[Pax Analog]

I dig your punk rock humor.

It's ALL crazy. Tepid normality, violent organ thefts, necktie posturing, fire ants, "reality" TV, media salaries, the Pope's poop. . .

Crazy wise is an option though.

Meaning freedom's inner space midst that white noise of fatuous phantoms dying.

F**k "normal." Keep on writing edgy funny.