The envelope slid under the door....

A creative writing exercise, have to put the fragment into a story.

This one was quiet, probably not alot of people here. A lot of the other motels were so noisy she couldn't concentrate. Ella Stone was laying on the bed of her room, room 2A. This was the 15th motel room she had stayed at in the last 9 months, you could say she was desperate. Ella had been searching for such a long time, she almost forgotten what her life was like before she started. She had been a waitress at a local diner during the day, a bartender at night. But once she received the news of her father, that there might be a chance that she could find him, she knew what she had to do. Ella had been all over the state looking, worrying, wondering. Suddenly an envelope slid under the door, was this how they delivered mail? Ella sat up slowly, half expecting someone to knock. Had she known at that moment what she was about to find out would change her life forever, things for her might have been different. The envelope looked normal, didnt look like it was gonna explode or was covered with poison, that was a start. Ella slowly sat back down on the bed and carefully began to open it, going slow as to not rip what was inside. She was a little taken aback; there was only a single sheet of paper which was folded in order to fit perfectly inside. Ella took it out and opened it, it was a letter. She read; "Dear Ella, I am writing to you to tell you the horrific news that James T. Stone, is not your father. He's the man who murdered your real father when you were a baby. Your real father's name was Calvin M. Abernathy and he was the greatest man I've ever had the pleasure to know. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you this in person, but with everything that happened, I wasn't sure I had the strength to face you. You see, I was your father's faithful assistant, my name is Theodore I. Kingsley, your father called me Theo. The reason your father was killed was because he was crown prince of a small country called CostaNova. It's not always put on maps but there are some that have its location printed. James was a good friend of your fathers  and the two had many happy years together. But once James found out your father was next in line for the thrown, he became jealous. He thought Calvin wasnt fit for such power, that he was too soft. It took 10 years to finally bring James to justice, he had escaped from the law several times. You should also know that your mother didn't give you up because she didnt love you, she fell desperately ill and died when you were a month old. I took you to the states and placed you in the orphanage where you grew up. I gave the caretakers specific orders from your mother NOT to tell you who or what you really are. If you haven't figured it out yet, Ella dear, you are the princess of CostaNova, and if you don't take your crown, then this country as we know it will perish. I do hope you consider coming and taking your rightful place as our princess. Your aunt Madeline is queen right now; she too hopes you come so she may teach you all you need to know. I do hope you contact me and let me help you. I have great respect for your family, there is so much waiting for you here. I really hope you consider coming. Good luck Ella Sincerely Theodore I. Kingsley." Ella sat in shock; she re-read the letter three more times, specifically the parts that said her real father was not only dead but he was murdered, the man she thought was her father was in prison, and the fact that she was a FRICKING princess!! She couldn't this, was it a joke? Ella was gonna find out that truth once and for all. She hadnt come this far for nothing. She spent the next 10 minutes searching for this country she was supposeably princess of. Finally she found it; it was a relatively decent piece of land, sitting just south of Spain. "It's real" Ella whispered to herself. She sat in silence staring at her laptop screen. She was truly in disbelief; all this time, she had been searching for her father and now she knew the truth, he was dead but he was royalty. Ella always wondered why she grew up an orphan. She had been with a few different families throughout her childhood, but there always seemed to be a problem; wife realized she wasnt ready for a child, or because the kids they already had didnt like her. Ella had gotten a job at 16, the orphanage allowing her to leave to do so, and saved up all her money so that when she turned 18 she could live on her own. She had found a small apartment a few miles from the orphanage. She was only 20 when she began searching. Now a year later and this is what she finds out. Ella closed her computer, gathered her things and made her way to the front desk. The same lady that checked her in the night before was still sitting there, this time reading a book. "I need to check out please," Ella said, setting the key to her room on the counter. The lady closed her book and smiled. She took the key, made a few clicks on the computer in front of her, gave Ella a small amount of money and another smile, and went back to her book. Ella pocketed the cash and made her way to the door. She stepped out into the fresh autumn air, she was on her way now  and she knew what she had to do. It was time CostaNova had a princess.  

Reviews

[Relic]

~ Whenever I see stories like this I pass them up. Because of the obvious lack of paragraphs, I got lost twice while reading this which I knew would happen. I would brush up on punctuation. This is not to say you're a bad writer--the parts I read were interesting and you have talent for sure. Keep writing and welcome to Writers Cafe. ~

[Rakesh Chauhan]

Beautyful one .it is a good story and i like it.sydney mortan i give u best wishes

[KittyKatgirl]

This is really good :) I loved it and from just one simple letter her life completely turns to a twist. Great job and keep up the good work :)

[Taylor]

Hi Sydney. Welcome to Writerscafe. You mention in the introductory line that this is just a fragment of a story and therefore, I will treat it as that. Others have mentioned the need for paragraphs. Readers are lazy sometimes and it helps to give them those signals which paragraphs afford -- that we're moving on a bit. When you settle down to really write the story, I'd suggest that you think a bit more about the back story -- how did as a former waitress and without family support afford to stay in fifteen motels during the course of a year? What caused her to go to motel after motel in her search, clues that she was following and how was she getting those clues? As others have said to me, it's helpful to pay attention to the five senses so that the reader can experience the story. Although I love to "tell" the story, people who read my work don't like to "read" it. They want to get in there with the characters as a silent participant. Maybe keeping that in mind will help you develop this more. Good story line which could be quite intriguing and interesting.

[Chris]

I think paragraphs would help. Also, how did the assistant know where Ella was if she'd moved around so much? Maybe you should make Ella more stable and put her in a house or an apartment. If the Theo knew all of this why didn't she say anything in the beginning? Expand the story and give a little background information. Let us know who these people are. And tell us about CostaNova. Why do they need her back so soon? Why had they not been looking for her if they needed her so bad? Just a few things to think about.