Depression

This is a poem under the "Life"Chapter of my self published book called: Through The Eyes of Boo Ktity

Everyday I wake up, I try to be thankful

I thank God for the things I have

The blessings that I know are on the way

I try to put on my grown-up face and push on

Suck it up and move on as Drill Sergeant used to say

These are techniques I learned after reading the secret

Attracting positive things in my life

Blocking out all negativity

No one knows how hard it really is

Everyday waking up alone

The ache in my heart at times is unbearable

But I try not to claim negative energy

The song says motivate yourself

Allot of times, easier said than done

I wish I could just lie in the bed all day

Eating ice cream watching waiting to exhale

But there are bills to pay the baby has gotta eat

I touch my feet to the floor as I feel the dark cloud follow me

I try to open up but it’s too hard

Too many people point the finger without knowledge

Judging what they don’t understand

The pressure overwhelms me

I just don’t have time for the nervous breakdown I’m asking for

Before I let self pity take over I pause to remind myself

Someone always has it worse than me

Don’t you know how blessed you are

I try to push my chin up and fight through it

Depression is a tricky thing

Especially when you have to put on your armor everyday

Fighting the dragon of reality

When no one has the power to hurt you like your friends

I do this everyday and make it look good at the same time

Holding it together for the one who waits at home

Unaware that I’m holding on by the skin of my teeth

Call me selfish but at the end of the day, I just want to be loved

More than anything as Jill says” like everyone else does”

Loneliness and despair sit at my kitchen table

Waiting at 5 am as I come down the stairs

They say good morning as I turn on the coffee pot

They ask how sadness has been keeping me company

They know he sleeps beside me at night

That’s where my husband should be

I snap out of this by saying,” my negative thoughts are weak and my positive thoughts are powerful”

Affirmations only work if you believe

It’s just hard sometimes when you do it alone

Trying to pretend you are okay

When your soul screams for someone to rescue you

Like a tree falling in the forest

No one hears the sound

Stepping out into the bitter cold every morning

Facing the world alone

No one feels my pain

Sometimes I just want it to be over

But my conscience won’t leave me alone

Reminding me of the consequences of this sin

Who will be there for her then?

So I hold my head up and smile through

Suffering on the inside

With each passing day I loose faith

That I can be loved, that someone cares

That someone will be there through the fire

Wishing I could go somewhere safe

Wishing you wanted me

As I eat spoonfuls of regret everyday

I think I’m all out of tears

Because once again: everyday I wake up alone

And it’s the same way when I get home

 

Reviews

[Christina]

I loved this poem, you expressed the sentiment and captured it so flawlessly. Amazing job.

[youngwriter222]

great poem, you use your words so good to describe the pain that you feel everyday.

Sarah

[Kim]

Wow, feels like you are in my head..........you write everything I am feeling but wrote much better then I ever could. This is going in my library!