The Arrival: Part 1

The Arrival: Part 1

A Chapter by StolenSaphireWitch

I yawn as I stare out the window of my dad's car. I swear, being stuck in a car for six hours is exhausting, and it’s not even the worst of my worries right now! I send a quick glare to the back of my dad's head. For some reason, I was being sent to live with some long-lost uncle that has suddenly decided to make me the heir to his fortune. If this doesn’t reek of trouble, I don't know what would. Ugh, the fact that I have to move to England is worse, I can’t understand anything with the accent. I turn as I feel my sister poke my arm, as she points to the bridge we’re driving over. I smile and then go back to listening to music. She’s too young to understand what’s going on, that I’m moving away. She just thinks we’re going on a field trip. The worst part is that it’s only me moving in with this stranger, nobody else. How can they do that to me? Don’t they care about me at all? I glance at my mom. Well, not that she would have been able to say much., my dad would just have ignored her. And for some reason she lets him. I don’t understand why. She could easily leave him and take care of herself, instead, she chooses to be a stay-at-home mom, being entirely dependent on him. I sigh as I put in my earbuds. It’s not like I care all that much though. My parents were never there much when I was a kid. My brother, Sean, was born shortly after me, and my father favored him more because he was a boy. Growing up, my father made sure to give all his time and attention to my brother, while my mother did fight somewhat to include me in things. Then by the time my sister, Zara, came around, I had stopped trying, and let him spend all his time on the babies of the family. It’s not like it would have made a difference by the time she was born. I was ten and had already given up on my dad, and my mom for that much, seeing as she never stood up for herself. She just let my father tell her what to do. I don’t agree with that. I hated being pushed around, so I learned how to stand my ground. Sometimes that led to fights, but after a certain point, most people learned not to mess with me. It didn’t help that I was one of the smartest kids in my school, so the teachers were more likely to side with me anyway. I look ahead as we turn a corner and see the mansion start to come into view. Good God, why does the driveway have to be so long? Seriously, ever heard of being normal? Ugh, I already know that I’m going to hate it here. Whatever it’s not like my life was that great, to begin with. If this so-called “uncle” thinks that he’s gonna start telling me what to do the second I walk through that door, we’re going to have problems.
“Lena, dear, will you take out your headphones please?” My mom had turned around to look at me as she spoke. I could see a few tears at the corners of her eyes. I sigh as I do so. I knew that while she very clearly loved my sister more than me, she did still have some love for me.
“Sure mama, how much longer does this stupid road have anyway?” I packed my headphones into my backpack and zipped it up. She shrugged and turned back to the front. Meanwhile, my dad started staring at me through the rearview mirror.
“Now Catalina, I expect you to be on your best behavior while with your uncle. He is a very important man, and if he decides to send you back because you are acting in an unfit manner, there will be a severe punishment upon your return. Do I make myself clear?” He reached the front of the mansion and had pulled up to a staircase leading to the front doors as he finished his statement. I just rolled my eyes.
“Yea, sure dad, whatever you say.” I grabbed my bag and phone and opened my door. “Pop the trunk, would you?" I closed my door and went to the trunk, grabbing my suitcase. I didn’t have a lot of personal items so I only had one.
A whistle cuts through the quiet air, and I look at the top of the stairs. A tall, muscular man is leaning against the banister. He walks down and offers his hand. I extend mine and shake it. He is about 6 feet with dirty blonde hair and a small patch of freckles along the bridge of his nose. He is wearing a pair of blue jeans and a blue polo with tennis shoes. He has a firm but gentle grip.
“Catalina, my dear, so pleased to meet you again. Now, tell me, what’s your full name?” I stare at him like he’s nuts. For some reason, I like him already. I took a deep breath.
“My name is Catalina Azules Isabela Montego Rodriguez Whistleflower.” I exhale and huff. As much as I like my name, it was long. He smiled.
“Beautiful name, very original. And the white blends in well enough.” He winked and I smiled. If he could understand that I loved being Hispanic, then maybe this won’t be so bad. I turn and hug my brothers and sisters. I ignore my dad and just nod to my mom. Nobody says anything, and I go and head up the stairs. I turn at the top and wave to them. They all wave back, then get in the van and drive away. I’m glad; I know I’ll never see them again, so I told them I didn’t want to make a big deal about it. Besides, my birthday is in a month, and I most likely will just spend it in my new room, alone.
“So it’s Lina, right? Listen, I know you’ve just finished school, but I’ve enrolled you in some self-defense classes. And I’ll tell you why. I am a powerful person with powerful enemies, and now that you’re here, they might target you. So I want you to be able to defend yourself should you be attacked.” He smiled and grabbed a suitcase, acting as though there was nothing weird about what he just said. “You can call me whatever you like, though Uncle Phillip would be just fine. I heard that you like balconies, so I’m going to give you the master bedroom on the second floor because I also heard that you don’t like heights.”He opened the door and led me inside to a huge room. The roof probably reached the third story and had a chandelier that reached the second. I stared at it for a few seconds, and then glanced around the rest of the room, looking for something a sketchy uncle might have. The walls are a beautiful white, and the floor is a stunning mahogany color wood. There are floor to ceiling windows and curtains that matched the walls. Directly in front of me, two staircases are the same color as the floors. There is a section to the left that opens up more into what i assume to be the living room. There is a brick fireplace at the end of this room, and there is a deep navy blue armchair near it, and a purple futon a little farther away facing the fire. And along the wall on either side of the fireplace are two huge bookshelves that reach the ceiling, and are overflowing with books. I look in awe at all the books. My Uncle Phillip chuckled.
“I heard you liked books, so I gathered some for you to read. I hope it’s not too much, I do realize that you’re not accustomed to the rich lifestyle.” He turned right and walked over to an elevator. I laugh.
“I would never in all my life thought I would ever see an elevator in a mansion. That is probably the smartest thing I’ve ever seen.” He laughs with me.
“Yes, well, I’m not exactly young in years, and the stairs are a strain on the knees, so I had this installed when I bought this place, knowing I’d eventually need it. And it is helpful in times like this, where there is some luggage to carry.” He pushed the button with the number two on it. The doors opened immediately, and we walked in. I laughed when I saw the inside.
"The walls are fuzzy?!?" We both chuckled.
“I wanted to make it different than most, so I figured I would make it fuzzy, that way it’s fun and exciting.” The elevator dinged and opened up to a blue corridor. Uncle Phillip stepped out and walked to the first door, opened it, waiting for me to look. I followed him and walked inside. OH MY GOD! The room looked magical, like a blue fairy world! The walls are a little darker than a sky blue, and the carpet is the same color. There are paintings of flowers and fairies and creatures of all sorts all along the walls. Opposite of me is a four-poster bed, with curtains on the sides. The bed frame itself is a beautiful burgundy color, and the curtains are a gorgeous turquoise. To the left is a set of French doors with cyan curtains, and led to what I could see was a balcony. Along the wall directly to my left is a desk with huge vanity, and lots of drawers, with a swivel chair in front of it. Then to the right, next to the bed is a door, and a little ways away on the same wall is another door. I bound towards the first one to explore it. There were clothes everywhere. Shirts on the left and under that were drawers labeled socks and undergarments, top and bottom. Then to the left, there were skirts hanging and then on the shelves were shorts and pants. I squealed and jumped around. Then I exited and checked the door next to my bed. It’s a bathroom with a giant mirror and two sinks. A sliding glass door shower and a separate bathtub big enough to be a pool. I jump up and down, then run to my Uncle Phillip and hug him.
“Thanks a lot, Uncle Phillip, this is amazing!” I laugh and twirl through the room, then fall on the bed. “Are there any other surprises that I need to see?” He chuckles and holds out his hand. I laugh, walk over and take it. We go back into the elevator.
“I realize that this is a big transition and that you are not used to the rich life, so I won’t push too much on you to make appearances or anything. But I do go out to balls, and events, and once you learn how everything works, you might need to join me.” Uncle Philip explains. “I will have a friend of mine show you how to act at these events so you can impress people, because sadly, people judge greatly, so you must always act your best around them. make sure to be on your best behavior.” We reach the bottom floor, and he led me past the stairs through a door and into the dining room. The table is big enough for at least 20 people. It is a glass table with a wooden frame, with matching wood chairs. "Wow, talk about fancy,” I exclaimed. “I could fit at least one side of my family here." I trail my hand along the edge as we walk by. "How long did it take for you to get this rich?" Uncle Philip laughed and sighed as a sad look came into his eyes.
"I didn't have to work for this; it was given to me by my brother before I had to leave home." I fell silent. I assumed he had done something for it. I mean, not a lot of people give their siblings lots of money. He led me through a doorway into a room with chairs and tables and a bar. There are lots of changing rooms along the left wall, and directly ahead are huge sliding glass doors. Through the glass doors, I could see the giant pool. From the looks of it, it was definitely more than big enough for parties, with a ladder that led into the water at one side. The other had a sign that said it was 10 feet deep. I smile and press myself against the glass, looking at the crystal clear water. Uncle Phillip walks up and opens the doors, then walks out. I follow him and walk around the pool, then follow a path through a small patch of flowers. He stops and waits for me to catch up. As I walk up to him, I see a giant jungle gym in front of me. It has swings and ropes and ladders and rock walls. There were monkey bars and rope bridges. You name it, it's there.
"No way! That is so cool!" I look at my Uncle Phillip and then back at the jungle gym.
"I'm glad you like it, Catalina. This will be a part of your training, to work on skills such as agility, flexibility, balance, and strength." He smiled. "Though I have to say, from what I hear, you are rather clumsy, so that should be what we focus on first. But for now, I give you free rein; explore the mansion, the wood, and the gardens. The only place you cannot go is the forest to the north. There are animals there that can and will harm you. So for your safety, do not go there." He had started walking back to the mansion. "I have a conference in a half-hour; I will be there via teleconference, so I shall be in my study in the basement for that. When I am done, my friend shall be here, and we will begin your etiquette classes. I will see you then." He waves then turns and walks inside. I wave back, then turn and run towards the jungle gym, going up the rock wall first. I go over to the rope bridge, which leads me to the rope wall. So far I was racing through it; there was no struggle, no trouble getting through. I reached the top of the rope wall. This jungle gym was probably 4 or 5 stories tall, and at least 40 ft long. As I continued going through it, I noticed that the sun kept slipping down. I made it about halfway through before I got tired and decided to go inside. Man, this jungle gym is tough. I walked down the path and passed the pool. How come there is no one else here? I thought he had a bunch of servants, yet I haven't seen a single living soul besides Uncle Phillip. It's kind of creepy because I half expect someone to jump out from around the corner. I walk through the sliding glass doors and close them behind me. I continue past the dining room and reach the staircases. I start walking up the stairs, looking at all the pictures lining it as I go. Halfway up, I stop and stare at a painting of a family. There's a father, a mother, and in the mother's arms, a little girl. The father has tan skin, looks to be about 5'10, and very muscular, short-cut brown hair, and the ends were tinged purple. The mother looked to be 5'5, with a similar skin tone, and what looked like a toned body. You could see slivers of pink in her blonde hair. Both looked to be in their late 20’s. The young girl had dirty blonde hair, which faded into a vibrant turquoise. She looked to be about three or four years old. They are all dressed in beautiful shimmering clothes that match their hair as if they're royalty. But that's not why I stopped. I stare at the women. She looks just like me, but it’s bewildering how similar we are. When all of a sudden something terrible happened, the doorbell rang, and my uncle beckoned to a butler, Mr. Dickens, stealing my gaze away from the portrait. As I proceed to make my way to my room. I look at the grandfather clock that rests next to my bed. Goodness, it's already five-thirty at night, I didn't realize how late it was. I take a quick shower just to rinse any sweat off, then change into some denim high-rise skinny jeans with holes up and down both legs, and a cyan tank top that was a little tight, but wasn't skin tight. And to top it off, I grab one of my old oversized jerseys that come just above my knees. The one I grabbed was custom-made. It had my last name on the back, along with my favorite number, 7, and was red and blue. I look in the hanging mirror. I then grab a pair of mismatched socks and my galaxy converse. I head downstairs and head towards the living room. I enter and see my Uncle Phillip and a woman. My Uncle Phillip is sitting in the armchair next to the fireplace; the woman is standing by one of the bookshelves, reading a book. They both look up when they hear me enter.
"Lina, this is my friend I was telling you about. Allow me to introduce the Duchess of Lockwood, Alexis. Alexis, allow me to present my niece, Catalina." The woman had been standing in the shadows, so I couldn't see her until she took a few steps forward. As she did, I noticed that she had a fair face, with sapphire eyes sparkling underneath thick, dark lashes. Her face itself was oval, with a little button nose, and thin eyebrows that were a shade darker than the floor. Her lips were tinted the same color as pink roses on a sunny afternoon. Her dress was scarlet crimson and floor-length. The sleeves opened up at her elbows and the rest reached her wrists. Her hair was hidden behind her and beneath her violet scarf, so I couldn't see the color of it. She had walked up to me as my Uncle Phillip was talking, and was a few steps in front of me. She gave a slight bow at the waist. What is she doing, bowing to me? I'm pretty sure she's a higher status than me. I return the bow and she smiles.
"Catalina, it is a pleasure to meet you at last. Your Uncle Phillip has been talking about you for quite some time now." My Uncle Phillip walked up behind her.
"Well you can't blame me, she is a remarkable girl." He stood next to me. "So how did you like the jungle gym?"
"I loved it, Uncle Phillip! It was amazing, though it took me longer than I expected. I need to practice more to get better. So what exactly do we need to practice for me to fit into this society?" The Duchess had walked back to the couch as I spoke. I glide over to sit on the armchair. Usually, I would put my legs over the arm and turn sideways, but with the Duchess present, I decided against it. Instead, I sit forward a little and set my elbows on my knees and my chin on my hand. My Uncle Phillip follows and stands next to me.
“Well, you see, it’s not just about fitting in at this level. You can’t just fit in; you must become a part of it. People this high up only care about themselves, and what makes them look good.” She had sat next to the arm and had her left elbow resting on it while her fist supported her chin. Her other arm rested in her lap.
“So you’re only here to make yourself appear kind and generous?” I raise my left eyebrow. Everyone who sees it says that when I do that, it is slightly disturbing in situations like these. I can hear my Uncle Phillip stiffen and the duchess’ right-hand forms into a fist, as her lips purse.
“As I said, people care about what makes them look good, and this is making me look really good. But if I’m wasting my time, let me know now and I shall leave.” I smirk and shake my head. Good God, she looks so indignant, I want to punch her face in. I turn to look at my Uncle Phillip. His face has hardened, and he is staring at the duchess so intensely I almost expect lasers to shoot out of his eyes. He then looks at me with a look of caution. I turn my gaze again to the Duchess.
“Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but I think I can handle it on my own. Wouldn’t want to waste your time when I’m sure you have other, far more important things to do.” I stand up. “But first, allow me to give you a taste of the society that I am from.” I emphasized “my” and “society” as I point towards the door. “You know the way out, so please, feel free to see yourself out, and don’t let the door hit you as you go.” I give a smug look as she looks confused, and then understanding and shock cross her face. Her face turns a similar shade of red as her dress, as she stands up and quickly walks out, slamming the front door behind her. I sigh as I collapse into the armchair. “Sorry Uncle Philip, but I didn’t like her not one bit.” I sighed again and turn to look at my uncle. He’s silently laughing! He realized I was looking at him, and burst out laughing, holding his sides, as he fell to his knees. I just sat there, staring. After about a minute, he stops and stands up, wiping tears from his eyes.
“I’m sorry my dear, I am not laughing at you. But I have never seen her turn that red before. It’s hilarious. You see, she tries to treat everyone the way you just treated her, but no one has ever dared give her the same treatment.” He leaned over and hugged me. I chuckled, shaking my head as he looks at his watch. “Well, what do you know, it’s dinner time, and I’m expecting another visitor who will be attending with us. You go ahead; I’ll wait a minute or two for him.” I nod and make my way to the dining room. I take a seat to the left of the head of the table. I take a closer look at the table and chairs. The glass on the table wasn’t just clear, it was stained. It was a picture of the family crest I had seen before, on Uncle Philip’s shirt. And the chair arms were carved to look like the arms and paws of wolves, while the backs were carved so that wings were coming from the center and extended a little bit from the chair and curled inward, slightly wrapping the person's head, and were painted pearlescent forest green and burgundy. Servants brought in three platters, placing one in front of me, one in front of Uncle’s seat, and one right across from me, just as Uncle Phillip walks in with someone behind him. The man with him looked to be in his early to mid-twenties. He looked to be about six feet tall, he wore a snug green polo, showing how muscular and broad he was, which he paired with a pair of dark boot cut blue jeans, that just covered the top of his combat boots. He was a ginger, with bright orange hair that was a little shaggy in a cute way. He had a bit of a square face with a nose that looked a little smushed, thick lips that were the same color as a rosalia flower, was clean-shaven, and had perfect medium-sized eyebrows the color of an oak tree. But his eyes! They were the same bright orange as his hair, if not brighter. He must have contacts in, for his eyes to be that bright. I want contacts like that. He had a birthmark on his jaw near his ear, and a jaw-line sharp enough to cut steel. I could also see a few scars on his forearms. I stood up as they approached. Uncle Phillip stopped and turned to gesture to his guest.
“Catalina, my dear, this is my captain of the defense, Rufus Greenfield. He is in charge of protecting the property and me. And now, you as well.” Rufus extended his hand, so I placed my hand in his, and then was surprised as he bent slightly and kissed the top of my hand. I must have let my surprise reach my face because he looked and chuckled.
“I apologize Ms. Whistleflower, but I prefer to be a bit old-fashioned in my ways. I hope it won’t be too much of a bother.” His voice sounded like a drum, deep and resounding, so much that I couldn’t help but smile as I shook my head.
“On the contrary, Mr. Greenfield, I am delighted to hear that. I like to do so as well, it just took me by surprise to see it from someone else as so few appreciate the old style of things. And please, call me Catalina, or Cata or Lina, whichever you choose” He smiled.
“Very well, then please, call me Rufus. And I couldn’t agree more, now, your uncle tells me you have a bit of experience when it comes to defense.” I blush a bit and nod.
“Yea, I grew up in a…difficult area as a child, and even recently, and I was the more assertive one out of my siblings. So naturally, it fell on me to not let people bully my brothers and sisters. But I can’t say I enjoyed fighting for reasons other than fun. I much prefer wrestling with my siblings than fighting someone on the streets.”
“That’s good. A person who fights only when they need to is a good fighter in my opinion. I hate fighting and hurting someone for silly reasons. The only reasons I ever actually fight someone is if they threaten my family’s honor, or tarnish one of their names.” He spoke gently, but confidently, so you could have heard him on the other side of the room. He gestured to me. “Can you turn in a circle and hold your arms out, so I can see the basics of your muscles?” I frown but do it. I start turning, and by the time I finish, I’m struggling not to giggle. That was so weird, I felt silly doing that. I put my arms down and looked at him. He seemed pleased. “You seem very fit for your age and stature. I can’t see why your family wouldn’t let you fight when you can win any decent fight.” He had brought up his arms and rested his chin in his one hand, and placed that elbow on the other arm, and was tapping his chin.
‘I imagine you are right, but I don’t see how. Everyone always calls me weak and small” I sat back down and went back to eating my soup. A servant brought a platter with another soup and set it down in front of Uncle Phillip and to his left. Rufus sits down and starts eating. My phone buzzes. I look, someone’s calling me.
“You can take it here Cata, we don’t mind.” Uncle Phillip affirms. I nod and answer.
“Hello? Oh, hey, yeah everything is good. WHAT?” I practically shout as I choke on a piece of chicken. My Uncle Phillip and Rufus both look at me. I sigh and shake my head. “You would be dead if it weren’t for me. What exactly happened? And if you start with you saw a cute girl, I’ll fly back to the states and beat you myself. Hold on” I stand up. “I need to handle some drama, excuse me for a moment.” My Uncle Phillip holds up his hand.
“What’s going on? Surely it can’t be that bad?” He chuckles. “Sounds like you’ve got a teenage boy on the phone, I’m sure I could be of assistance.”
“Well, the teenage boy part is right, but he’s currently in jail for beating up his friend’s boyfriend.” I sigh and rub my forehead. “And his family won’t pay bail, so he’s facing a year in juvie. Unless you’re willing to pay the total of $300 to clear everything up, I’m afraid you can’t” My Uncle Phillip laughs and looks at Rufus.
“Now that sounds like you before you started training.” They both share a laugh and smile. Then Uncle Phillip looks at me. “Is he a close friend of yours, Cata?”
“He saved my life. And saved my mom from being deported. He’s my brother.” My Uncle Phillip ponders this for a moment and then holds his hand out for the phone. He stands up as I give it to him, giving him an inquisitive look. He walks out of the room and puts it to his ear. I watch him and then turn to look at Rufus. He shrugs.
“It’s a thing he does. He loves to help people but doesn’t like to let them see the details. So seeing as we have some time to ourselves, let’s get to know each other. I gather we will be seeing much of one another in the coming days, and I find it easier when you at least know the fundamentals of a person, y’ know?” I nod.
“I think the same thing. I’m sure Uncle Phillip has told you all about me, so tell me about yourself? Where are you from?” He had taken a bit of soup as I said this, and he paused with the spoon in his mouth, a look of interest on his face. “Very well then. I’m not sure you’d know where it is, but the country I’m from is called Dagasciom. It’s rather large, but most of it is mountains and meadows, we have a few major cities, but nothing to brag about. Technology is where we stand out among others.” I nodded. “See, we have many advances in that field but do not share it for fear of what others would do. We are a mix of a third world country, and a modern country is the easiest way to explain it. I’m the son of a warrior and a dragon lord, our version of a chief. But we all serve the royal family or the wolves as we call them. They are a little different than most royal families because they do not try to keep peasant blood out of the family. I work in the palace. I’m the captain of the royal guard, and I’m 19 years old.” I choke on my soup. He chuckled. “Though I suppose I don’t look like it. I love the palace, but I also love the outdoors, like the forests and meadows. I like to train with my sword and bow when I get the chance. I like reading and writing, and playing Xbox, now that I have one.” Wow, he is amazing! He’s like a male version of me! Suddenly, my Uncle Phillip walks in and hands me back my phone.
“Alright, it’s all taken care of. Your friend is safe and sound.” He sat back down and started eating his soup. I looked at Rufus. He just smiled and shrugged. I continue eating my soup.
“So Uncle, are you one of those people who have a bunch of servants that do everything for you, or do you only have a few, and do some of the things yourself?” Rufus snorts and Uncle Phillip laughs.
“Well, I would fall in the latter category, except that I hardly have any servants. I have a few maids to make sure most of the house doesn’t get dusty, and I have two butlers, who do most of the work, but really, I usually just ask them to do a few things. I do a large amount of work as far as the house is concerned. But I do like not having to do everything on my own.” I nod as he talks. Wow, so he’s not a complete jerk, or completely useless. Rufus nods and then gestures at me.
“Now, your Uncle Phillip has given me a basic overview of you, but I’d like to get a bit better understanding. So what are things that are and aren’t ok to do around you?” I swallow the bite of soup I had in my mouth and laugh.
“That is both super funny and super practical. I’m pretty cool with most things, the only real issue I ever have is when someone bullies someone. Other than that, nothing bothers me, but my problem is I sometimes curse when I get mad. But it’s only when I get really mad.” Rufus nods. We continue talking as we eat dinner. I finally finish my bowl of soup and yawned. I look at my phone. My god, it was 9 pm! My Uncle Phillip and Rufus were talking about something to each other. I pushed my chair out and stood up, and they stopped talking and looked at me.“If you’ll excuse me, I’m starting to feel tired, so I’m gonna go to bed. I’ll see you guys in the morning. Goodnight.” They both announce goodnight and go back to their conversation. I smile and go up to my room. I start to change into my PJ’s, which is a snug tank top and leggings. I finish putting both on when the glass in the doors shatters, falling all over the floor in front of them. I freeze. I’m standing next to my bed on the opposite side, and I slowly start taking small steps towards the door to the hallway. I make it about halfway when I see a masked figure step into the light.
“If you don’t want to be hurt, I suggest you stop moving.” The intruder spoke quietly, but had a deep voice and was a man with muscles. He started to walk to me. I immediately ran towards the door, opened it, and screamed. Cursing, the man ran up and clamped a gloved hand over my mouth while wrapping the other around me. I tried to bite it, but the glove was too thick. He chuckled. I then threw my head back and hit his chin.
“Ow! D****t, you’ll pay for that! I wasn’t told that you were such a brat, otherwise, I would have asked for more money” I struggled against his hold, causing him to tighten his grip on me. “Good thing you’ve got some light clothes on makes it easier to haul you outta this place. Now stop fighting or I’ll bring my knife out.” He starts to drag me towards the door. We make it to just outside the doorway, and then I go limp, catching him by surprise. He loses his grip on me, and I fall, but I cry out as I cut my leg on a piece of the broken glass. He curses some more as he wrapped both arms around my stomach, pinning my arms there. I start kicking my legs out as he struggles to keep his grip on me. Just then a gunshot brought our attention to the door. Rufus stood there, holding a .9mm in his hands.
“That is no way to treat a lady. Now let her go and I won’t hurt you.” Rufus’s voice boomed and was void of anything as he aimed the gun at my captors head. Then my captor let go of me with one hand as he pulled a knife out and held it to my throat. Rufus’s face hardened. I slowly turned my head to the right and looked from my captor to Rufus. He furrowed his eyebrows, so I understood he didn’t. I immediately turned my head to the left and bit the arm holding me as hard as I could. The man yelled, pulling his arm away, leaving his chest exposed, and Rufus took the shot. I saw as the bullet hit the man’s chest. He let go of me. I ran over to Rufus, who pulled me behind him, still aiming the gun at the man. He didn’t move, so Rufus carefully stepped forward and nudged the man’s foot and nothing happened. Rufus then advanced and felt his wrist for a pulse. He stood up and looked at me. I then realized I was shaking and in pain and fell to my knees, starting to feel dizzy. Rufus came and knelt next to me.
“You’re hurt, let me patch you up. Did he…Did he violate you in any way?” He turned pink as he asked. I shook my head. I reached for my throat. It was wet. I pulled my hand away; there was a small line of red along with my hand. My eyes widened. I started shaking harder as I realized he must have pushed harder than I realized. Rufus took a deep breath, then put his gun away, sat next to me, and hugged me. I could feel the tears slowly start to trickle down my face. I sniffled, trying not to overreact.
“Thank you for saving me. I’m not sure what I would have done if you hadn’t shown up.” I tried to stand up, but was shaking too much, and sat back down. Rufus then picked me up bridal style and carried me to my bed. He then crossed into the bathroom and returned with an armful of supplies.
“This might sting.”He started to put gauze on the cut. I flinched and then held still. He gave a small smile. “You did great just now. Not many girls would’ve done that. And then when you bit him, I almost laughed on the spot.” I chuckled despite my pain. “There, all done.” He went to put the stuff away, and when he came back, he stood in front of me, looking at me. I looked at the man, and at the pool of blood starting to appear around him.
“That’s the first time I’ve been attacked by someone other than my brother. I...I felt scared. I was worried, but I’m not sure why. Sorry for the tears, I’m trying not to make a big deal and make you uncomfortable by crying, but after you leave, I don’t know what will happen.” I chuckled weakly and wiped my face as a few tears came up. Rufus shook his head, sat next to me, and hugged me.
“Catalina, that is perfectly fine. You should be scared. I admit I was scared too. I was worried something might happen to you. I know it might sound silly, and I haven’t known you hardly any amount of time, but I was worried about you. In the small amount of time, I was with you, you were an avid listener, and great to listen to. It was nice to talk to someone my age, and someone interested in what I was saying. I think you’re cool.”
“I didn’t believe my Uncle Phillip when he said people might try to hurt me. Guess this proves him right. But, what’s weird is that I fought because I was scared that the people who know and love me would lose me. I didn’t think about if I got hurt, I just made sure I didn’t die.” I laughed dryly as I said this, shaking my head. “Do you think this kind of thing will be a daily occurrence or more of a once a month?” I said as straight-faced as possible. We both laughed heartily at how nonchalant I sounded. I pulled my legs up to my chest and yawned. Rufus smiled as he watched me.
“Not if I have anything to do about it. I’ll protect you with my life.” He wrapped his arm around me. “Nothing will ever harm you again.” He stood up, had me lay down, and then pulled the blankets over me. He started to leave, but I grabbed his hand.
“Could you...Could you stay a little longer, please? Tell me more about your country. I’m not ready to sleep. Plus, I’m kind of scared I’ll see him in my dreams.” I shudder involuntarily. Rufus nods and lies on top of the sheets next to me. I scoot next to him and curl up at his side. “Thank you. You’re pretty cool too.” I shifted so my head was laying on him. I smiled. Then he puts his arms around me as he talks about his home and the palace…

The sun was shining as I woke up. I smiled and started to stretch before I felt my head rise and fall. I turned my head, and see that I’m using Rufus’s chest as my pillow and that I’m sprawled across the bed, and so is he, but he’s close to falling off the bed. Then the events of last night came back to me. I shuddered, and Rufus’s arms wrapped tighter around me. I smiled. I guess we both move around in our sleep. I snuggled against him and enjoyed the moment. Not a minute later, I felt him stir. I pretend to be asleep. I felt him lift his head. Then he chuckled and I felt him sit up.
“How in the world am I gonna get you to befriend me again? The first time was hard enough. You’re pretty as a goddess, strong as a mountain, brave as a wolf. You’ve always been a different person than everyone else, but how can I become friends with you again? Especially this time around, you think differently. You already have another best friend, and I fear that I’ve scared you from the start” He sighed and gently patted my head. Then he got up and left the room. What did he mean by that? I mean, I have a large part of my childhood that I don’t remember. But I would remember having a best friend like him. I groan and stretch. I look over at the clock. 6:30. I felt good, so I select a playlist with some good beat to it. I start singing along as I get dressed. I go for a pair of camo-ish shorts that reach mid-thigh and are a little loose on my waist, but a little snug on my butt. Then I choose a tight black t-shirt that says “To all the haters, thanks for all the love.” I pair this with a pair of black shoes with white bats all over and had about a 2-inch heel that was covered in spikes. I then go into the bathroom and straighten my hair, which takes 30 minutes. Once I’m done, I look in the mirror. Well, I’ve done worse. And it’s enough to raise an eyebrow or two. I walk out and see a note on my pillow. I pick it up and read it.
“Dear Catalina. I’m sorry that I left before you woke up. I stayed until the sun woke me. I was afraid you might panic. I took care of the body and cleaned the mess from the blood and glass. But I won’t be at breakfast, as your Uncle Phillip has me going to town to look into who attacked you. But I plan to see you in front of the jungle gym at 10 o’clock for training. Signed, Rufus.” I smile as I read it aloud. He was starting to grow on me. I check the time, it's 7:15. I start singing as I leave my room and head down the stairs. I pass a maid as I go down the stairs. I smile and say good morning. She looks surprised and says it back. I go into the dining room, and my mouth drops. Half the table was covered in all kinds of breakfast foods imaginable. There were plates for 3 people. I grab one and fill it with eggs and bacon. I manage to sit down when the most splendid sound in the world enters my ears.
“Jeez, you and you’re eating healthy. No cheese, or muffins, or siracha: you’re killing me.” I turn as my Uncle Phillip strides in, with my friend Austin. I laugh and run up and hug Austin tight. Austin has blonde hair that was a buzz cut and had super light skin. He was 6’1 so compared to me, he was a giant. He was also skinny with a little bit of muscle. He was wearing jeans and a red t-shirt. His hair looked like Shaggy’s from Scooby-doo. He laughed and hugged me back. “Oof, don’t knock me over.” He’s smiling till he sees the bandages on my neck and leg. “WHAT HAPPENED?” His face turns red and he grabs me by the shoulders. I pat his shoulder.
“It’s just a small scratch, nothing major. Here, get something to eat before you hurt yourself.” I pull his hand and give him a plate, He still looks angry, but starts putting pancakes on his plate. I go and sit down and Austin follows, sitting to my right. I pinch his arm and start eating. He jerks back as I laugh. He scowls and sticks out his tongue. While I smile and look around like nothing happened. Uncle Phillip takes his seat with a plate full of bacon and eggs. I take one headphone out and put it in Austin’s ear. We listen to music as we finish our food. I get up and take my plate to the kitchen and wash it. A maid walks in and stops, looking stunned. I finish and say good morning as I pass. She just nods her head. I head out to the jungle gym. I reach the sliding glass door when Austin catches up.
“Slowpoke, c’mon, you gotta check out this jungle gym.” I poke him and start running towards it. He laughs and runs after me. I beat him to the jungle gym and climb up. He comes in after me. We spend the next few minutes playing tag. Finally, we stop after he was it for a while. I check the time on my phone. 9:50. I find an exit and walkout
“Hey, find an exit. My training is going to start in a bit. You might like it.” I lay down and close my eyes. Austin trudges out and sits next to me, laying his head on my stomach. We stay like that for a minute or two, and then I sit up and start stretching. I start doing an upward dog when I see Rufus walk up.
“That’s a good idea Cata. Good thinking.”’ He comes up and helps me finish stretching like he’s done this a hundred times before.
“So what are we starting with today? Not actually fighting, right I bet.” Rufus smiled and shook his head. He then pulls out a pair of boozing gloves from the bag he was carrying. He hands these to me, then pulls out pads and puts them on his hands.
“Today, we’re gonna practice throwing punches.” I laugh as Austin groans.
“She doesn’t need to learn how to punch. That will just make them hurt more. She already knows to fight man. She can take me down and that’s when I’m acting like a bad guy.” He flops on the ground. I shake my head.
“Only half of the times, besides, you’re always fighting somebody, so you’re always tired.” I walk over to him and kick his leg. He evil eyes me as I walk over to Rufus. “So what am I hitting?” Rufus holds up his pad-covered hands.
“Me.” I look at him and shake my head.
“You boys think you’re so invincible. It’s annoying and astonishing.” I walk up in front of him.
“Ok, let’s see how hard you can throw a punch. I want you to just throw it straight at my hands.” He holds a hand up. I put my left hand out, testing it. Then I quickly pull my hand back and hit his. He stumbles back, cursing. He looks at me and smiles.
“Man, I wasn’t expecting it to be that hard. Maybe you won’t need as much training as I originally thought.” He shakes his hand and puts it up again. “Again, keep going.” We spend the next hour doing this. My wrist started to hurt, so we stopped for a water break. I check my phone for the time. It says 11:15. I poke Austin’s arm as I lay next to him. He looks at me.
“So, how’s training? I fell asleep and just woke up.” I huff and pat his shoulder. He laughs and ruffles my hair. “That’s bad huh? See, I just learn as I go. That’s why I fight so much, keeps me fit. Now, what are you going to do?” I sit up and check my phone. I have a text message from one of my friends in the states. I put my phone away. “I’m going to take a shower. Then why don’t we go exploring Austin?” I stand up and start heading towards the house. Austin gets up and follows, staring at his phone as he walks. Rufus comes up next to me as he takes his shirt off. I blush and look away. He notices and smiles. “So are you going to explore the town or the woods? The town isn’t all that exciting, so I’d recommend the forest.” We pass the pool and Rufus opens the door for me. I walk in and head towards the stairs. Austin grabs my arm.
“What are you doing? There’s an elevator right there. C’mon.” He starts walking towards the elevator. I wriggle out of his hand and go back to the stairs.
“You know I get queasy on those, besides, stairs are good for the legs.” Austin rolls his eyes and enters the elevator. I go up the stairs and head into my room. I go into my closet and choose an outfit to change into. As I walk out, Austin walks in and lies down on my bed. I enter the bathroom and take my shower. I get out and get music set up on my phone while I get dressed. When I leave the bathroom, Austin and Rufus are standing next to the window where the guy broke through. They turn around as they hear me lumber out. I’m wearing another jersey over a tight gray tank top that comes pretty high along with a pair of booty shorts that if I pulled them up showed a little of my butt, but when I put them on, they came just below. I laughed and gave a quick twirl. Rufus shakes his head with a grin. Austin gives me a thumbs up.
“Nice! You don’t look half bad, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you tried to match your clothes.” I stick my tongue out.
“What are you guys doing?” I walk up next to Rufus, and he turns his head towards me.
“I’m deciding how to fix these. Your Uncle Phillip figured that you would want to still have the windows in the doors, so I’m thinking that I could do a mosaic or something similar, that way I can just fill it in. What do you think?” He looks at me as my eyes light up.
“That would be amazing! Oh my god, I would love that. Can you do that please?” He smiled and nodded. I squealed and jumped up and down, then threw my arms around him and hugged him. He smiled and hugged me back, then set me down. Huh, he was ok with that hug, and he knew that I was going to put my arms around his shoulders. How?
“It’s not that hard really. I could have it done in a day. And I can get it to be in hues of blue, to match your room.” I clapped my hands and jumped around. “This is the best place ever!” Then I see on the clock it’s 12:30. “Holy moly, it’s already lunchtime.” As I declare this, my stomach growls. I turn pink then pinch Austin on the arm.
“Ow. Why do you always hurt me?” He rubs the spot where I touched him. I roll my eyes.
“Cause that’s how I treat my family, and you’re like my adopted brother, so I’m gonna treat you like family. Otherwise, I’d just treat you like a person I know, not a friend.” I see Rufus trying, and failing, at hiding a smile, like he understands what I mean, I turn to face him. “I wanna explore the forest. Want to come with me? I could use someone to protect me in case there are any assassins in the woods.” I grin. Rufus looks like he won the billion-dollar lottery. "I would like, I mean, I don’t mind coming along.” He’s trying so hard to act normal, it’s so funny. Oh my god, why am I just drawn to you? I start to walk out of the room, then turn around and look at Rufus. He looks back.
“Thanks for the note. I appreciated it. I panicked for a minute when I realized you weren’t there. I had forgotten what happened last night, and then it hit me. Almost took my feet out from under me. I’m gonna grab some grub to take into the woods with us.” I turn and walk out, heading down the stairs. I head into the dining room, where a basket is sitting in front of my seat. I grab it and go outside, and go to the flower garden, lying down on a bench in the middle of a patch of tulips, ranging from pinks to purples to blues. I look up at the sky and take a deep breath, and close my eyes. I suddenly hear a whine. Not the human kind though, it sounds like a dog. I hear it again as I sit up and look around. I look in the direction it seems the noise is coming from. It's coming from the Dark Forest. I hear it louder. I look around. Nobody was out here. I stand up and take a few steps towards the forest, cautious. I hear the whimper again, this time more urgent. I suddenly feel a pang of fear in my chest and head off running in the direction. I reach the edge of the forest and paused for a moment, before heading into the woods. I look around as I walkthrough. Already a few steps in, and I can hardly see anything, the trees were so thick and dense. The whine gets deeper as I go further in. I walk for another half hour before I reach a clearing in the woods. I freeze. In the middle of the clearing was a wolf. And not just a regular wolf, but a giant turquoise blue wolf. I could instantly tell it was a boy. He was taller than me and looked close to weighing around 50 lbs. heavier than me. His teeth were bared and looked like small sharp knives. His ears were flattened and he was crouched down. I scouted forward until he noticed I was there. He immediately bared his teeth and started letting out a gruff, low growl. I waited a few minutes until he stopped, then I continued until he started growling again. This continued for over 30 minutes when I was finally within a few feet of him. That’s when I noticed his paw. It was stuck in a bear trap! The poor thing, he must be in terrible pain. I sit down where I am and pull out my headphones from my phone, letting my music play out loud. He starts to calm down after a few songs. He starts to lick his injured paw.
“Would you like help? I promise I’ll be gentle.” He flinches and starts to growl at the sound of my voice, but slowly calms down once he realizes what happened. I slowly inch forwards and he starts to snarl again. I slow down as I reach his paw. He shows his teeth and flattens his ears even more.
“It’s ok, you can trust me. I just want to help you.” He hesitantly lay down with his paw exposed. I slowly grabbed the outside of the bear trap and he started to snarl again. I made a gentle shushing sound to calm him.
“Ok boy, I’m gonna open the trap, and I want you to pull your paw free, ok?” Did he just nod? I shake my head and pull open the trap. I grunt as the wolf pulls his paw free. I let the trap snap shut as I fall back. The wolf licks his wounds. I look around, and then I see something familiar. It‘s a flower. But why does it look familiar? Oh! That flower was on the gauze packet that Rufus used to heal my wound. I get up and grab some. I come to him and show him the flowers. He sniffs them and then lays his head down. I tear up the flowers and mash them as much as I can, then gently place them on his wounds, making sure not to push too hard. Then I grab the sleeve of my jacket and cut it with the knife on my multi-tool kit. I then use the sleeve to act as a bandage on his paw. He then leans forward and licks my hand. I laugh.
“You’re cute. I’m gonna name you…Azul!” He barks and I laugh again. My phone rings.
“Hello?” I know it’s Austin because he’s like that. “Where are you? We’ve been looking for you for ages!” Azul barks. “What was that? Is that a dog?” I sigh and stand up.
“Look, I found him in the woods; his paw was stuck in a bear trap. I had to help. I’ll be at the mansion in a bit. Don’t sit around waiting for me.” I stand up slowly and look at the wolf., meeting his iron gaze.
(What am I gonna do with you? I’m not leaving you out here, but you’re a wild animal. Not the best idea for a pet.)
(I know, but I’m not a savage. I can behave.) I jump as I hear this.
“Who’s there?” I turn, looking for the owner of the voice. The wolf barks. I look at him.
(What, did you think I wouldn’t answer? Just because I’m a wolf doesn’t mean I’m a beast.) He bends to lick his paws. I take a deep breath and then scream.
“Oh my god, I‘ve lost it. I‘m mentally disturbed.” Azul pauses and looks at me.
(I take it you’ve never spoken with a wolf before? I apologize if it was a shock.) I take a deep breath.
(So you can read minds and understand speech?) I sit down next to him.
(No, you’re projecting your thoughts to me. Essentially, you’re more or less talking on the phone to me, but the phone is your mind. Does that make sense?) I laugh and shake my head. I then stand up and start heading towards the mansion.
“Well, come on. You’re going to live with me till you’re healed. No arguing.” Azul nods and walks next to me. “But don’t talk to anyone. I don’t know how they’ll take it. You can sleep in my room.” Azul nods again.
(You’re the new girl at the mansion, right? You’re the talk of the woods. Especially since the break-in last night, if it’ll be easier, I’ll act defensive of you, like…oh, how do you humans say, a guard dog? But I’ll be your guard wolf. There must be a difference.) He stuck out his chest and brought his head up. I laughed and rubbed his head.
“That’s a great idea. Are you okay with me calling you Azul?” He nodded as we reached the edge of the woods. As we headed towards the mansion, I saw Rufus and Austin run towards me as Azul got behind me. Austin hugged me.
“Are you insane? Even I know not to go into that forest, and I‘m the rebel!” He sees Azul behind me and freezes. “What ….is….THAT?!?!?!” he backs up a few steps, his eyes wide. Rufus reaches us as Azul steps out from behind me. Rufus immediately pulls out his gun and aims at the wolf. I bend down and wrap my arms around him.
“Don’t hurt him. He’s wounded!” I gently pick up his injured paw. Azul whimpers and makes a sad face.
“Get away from it Catalina. You shouldn’t have been in the forbidden woods anyway, you know that.” Rufus almost growls as he steps closer. I hug Azul tighter.
“I couldn’t help myself. I heard him crying out in pain and I had to help. And his name is Azul.” I stand up, walk over to Rufus, and lower his hand. “C’mon it hasn’t hurt me yet, why would it now?” He stills gives Azul the evil eye as he puts his gun away. I smile and walk to the mansion with Azul close behind me. Austin goes to my other side.
“CL, you can’t name it and you can’t keep it. It’s a wolf and a wild animal. Besides, if it is a male, it’s going to be more prone to aggressiveness.” I roll my eyes as I reach the pool. Uncle Phillip steps out from around the bushes and stops when he sees the giant blue wolf next to me. He smiles and walks over to us.
“Lina, my dear, I see you’ve found a stray. As long as he doesn’t use the toilet inside the house, he's fine.” He opens the door and waited for us to come in. Azul followed me into the living room. I took the armchair and Azul sat by my feet, laying his head in my lap as i stroke his large, soft ears gently.
(Who’s who? And I forgot to ask your name as you seem to have many.) I smile and rub Azul’s head.
(My name is Catalina. Cata, Lina, CL, are some of my nicknames.) Austin sits on the couch on the other side of my Uncle Phillip and Rufus stands near the fireplace. I look outside and stand up.
“I’m gonna take a look around the garden.” I stand up and Azul does the same. The boys nod at me as I walk out and then continue their talk. I make my way back to the spot where I had put the basket of food. I sit down on the bench and pat Azul as he lies down in the sun. I lie down and sigh. A breeze blows by, making my hair flow with the wind. I have no idea how much time has passed when a shadow appears over my face. I open my eyes. Rufus is standing over me, with a small smile on his face. I smile and scoot over and pat the bench next to me. He shakes his head and lies down next to me, and puts a hand under his head, the other resting on his stomach. “So,” I sit up and lean on my elbow, looking into his eyes. “I am going to apologize for the way I’ve been acting. But I feel so normal around you like I’ve known you all my life. And I’ll admit I was in a terrible accident not too long ago, which caused me to lose a lot of my childhood memories. So I may have known you before the accident, but I don’t remember. I figure you’re someone from before the accident that I have forgotten about."


© 2021 StolenSaphireWitch


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Reviews

Well, you’re certainly working hard. No one can take that away. As for their being "a few errors" in your writing, there’s only two. Unfortunately, they’re kind of major. But the good news is that it’s not your fault, so you’re “off the hook,” as they say. In fact, it’s a problem you share with pretty much every hopeful writer. Problem is, your fault or not, they still need to be fixed, because until they are, you’re working hard but going in the wrong direction.

We begin with a misunderstanding: Because the skill is called “writing,” and the profession is called “Writing,” we naturally assume that the two are related, and that the skills of writing we’re given in school are the same skills a Fiction-Writer uses. But they’re not.

We also miss something critical, which is that EVERY profession and/or trade has a skill-set that’s learned IN ADDITION to what we’re given in our public education years.

Think back to your classes and compare the number of reports and essays to the number of stories you were assigned. Think of how many of your teachers were skilled enough in fiction to sell their work. Because if they’ve never sold their work, how can they teach you to do what they can’t?

In reality, we leave our public education years exactly as well prepared to write fiction as to pilot a fighter plane—though we don’t realize that.

So while you write well, and have good visualizations, the approach you’re using is to transcribe yourself talking ABOUT the story rather than making the reader live it. What I call, writing from the outside-in. Primarily, you present what you see happening as a series of, “This happened…then that happened…I said this…then that…and here’s some things you need to understand.”

We’re not privy to her thought processes and decision-making. We don’t know what effect she hopes a given act or statement will have. We have only a description of the act or event.

But your reader isn’t looking for a narrator to explain the story. They want to BECOME your protagonist, and live the story AS her. They want the story to seem so real that they will worry about what she should do next as much as she does. Descriptions of what CAN be seen matters a lot less than what has her active interest in her moment of now, and why.

When we focus on explaining the story progression, as you do, the characters are obedient servants, doing as you order not making decisions according to what matters to them, as THEY see the situation. As a result, the uncle is focused on the script, speaking and acting to impress the reader. But real people stop to observe and decide. They rethink and restate. They use body language and gesture. They do NOT simply recite their lines and act as the script orders. During the “tour” there are no misunderstandings. No digressions. She sees nothing that takes her attention from what they’re doing, and asks no questions that don’t have pre-packaged answers from someone who behaves as if they knew it was coming. And because you’re thinking of effect rather then what motivates the characters to act, you comment that she's seen no other human, and then, immediately, have a butler appear. Yet she doesn’t react or seem surprised.

Can that seem real? In fact, you miss things that you’d see were you in her viewpoint, in her “now” rather than being in reporter mode.

And in the end, while we know what’s said and done, do we know her as a person? No. She’s been chosen to be his heir, for unknown reasons, yet she asks not a single question on why? He asks not a single question on her feelings or expectations? Makes no sense. She doesn’t want to be there. She believes her parents are lying to her, and, she knows nothing about him and has never met him, yet accepts the situation as if it’s something she does every day, and is not upset when he behaves as if he knows her. Would you not wonder? I sure would. She sees a picture that seems to show her, yet she doesn't even ask who it is and why they look like her?

Assume that you’re her parent. Would you abandon her, as hers do, for money? Would you leave her without asking her to call and write every day? Of course not. Were you her, would you walk away from the family without even a goodby? Hell no.

But because you’re taking an outside-in approach, your characters do as you command—what the plot requires, not what the situation and their own needs dictate.

Were she reacting to the situation based on her needs and background, she’d probably feel a pang of sadness when it was time to say goodbye, and have to push it aside and focus on evaluating the man, to help decide how to behave around him. She’s in a situation not of her making, alone with a man she knows nothing about. Her future, even for the next hour, is uncertain. Were that you, would you decide that you like the man simply because he asks for your full name? Or would you wonder why he asked, given that he already knows it?

My point is that were you writing from the inside-out—from within her moment of now, you wouldn’t be assigning her actions to fit the plot, you’d be arranging the plot events to fit her personality, and the reader, knowing how she sees things, would have reason to care. For more on why that matters, you might read this article:
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/2015/05/13/inside-out-the-grumpy-writing-coach/

Bottom line: You have the desire, the perseverance, and the story. Now, you need the professional skills of the working fiction writer. You know nonfiction writing, whose goal is to inform. That’s fact-based and author-centric. Use it to write fiction and it reads too much like a report. Fiction is meant to entertain, and provide an emotional, not an informational experience. As such, it’s character-centric and emotion based—a style of writing not even mentioned in your school years. And that lack of professional knowledge is what needs to change.

Remember, since you began to read, like everyone else, everything you’ve read was professionally written and prepared. It’s what you, and your potential reader expects in your work. Given that, doesn’t spending a bit of time, and perhaps a few coins on your writer’s education make sense?

Dig through the articles in my writing blog for an idea of the breadth of the skills you need to acquire. They’re aimed at the hopeful writer. Then, pick up a copy of a book on fiction-writing technique, like James Scott Bell’s Elements of Fiction Writing. You’ll spend a lot of time saying, “But…that’s so simple. Why didn’t I see it, myself?”

So dig in. You’ll enjoy the learning. It’s like going backstage at the theater. But whatever you do, hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 5 Years Ago



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Added on August 21, 2019
Last Updated on July 19, 2021
Tags: Magic, Drama, Romance, Mystery, Dragons, Fiction, Kingdoms