Stained Bowls And Saliva Coated Toothbrushes

Welcome to the world of my wonderful thoughts

Emptying the contents of my deserted stomach into the white porcelain bowl. Hunched back, heaved over again and again.
"I have this under control" "I know what I'm doing"

Once more. Do it again.

The urge to not eat gets stronger and stronger, the spins and blackouts get longer and longer and the purging gets faster and faster. "It's okay, I know what I'm doing"

The amount of food I consume gets smaller and smaller, the number on the scale is stiller and stiller.  The reflection on my wall gets sadder and sadder. "But it's okay. I know what I'm doing"

As my stomach gets slimmer and slimmer, my patience gets thinner and thinner, my hands oh, they shake and they shake. "It's okay, I know what I'm doing"

The once white porcelain bowl- now stained with puke, the opposite end of my toothbrush now coated in saliva, with tears in my eyes and a red tinted face, I looked in the mirror not knowing what to say.

Reviews

[KeithMansfield]

You make the pain and mental suffering very real. Well written.

[Bonnie]

Thank you so much

[jacob erin-cilberto]

This is so heavy...what an awful disease...scary what it does to the mind and to the well-being of
the person suffering from it.
j.

[Bonnie]

It effects the mind and body so much

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

Hi 🙋‍♀️
I read this and know how dangerous this can be !!
My two nieces ended up force tube fed in hospital years ago they are fine now my own daughter starved herself i thought she was just trying to lose weight she now has thyroid problems and other issues
Please get help if this is you

Now the poem the write is very good
It shows that the writer says she’s in control till the end verse then she realises no way !
Keep writing
Thank for the write and the share if this was a personal one

[Bonnie]

I'm sorry that your family has suffered through this, it is a mentally and physically exhausting thing to go through

[Richard🖌]

Goodness-ME, Bonnie!

I sincerely hope this story is not true of you, M'Dear.
I say this, because Anorexia Nervosa is certainly a dangerous condition that can lead to poor health, and eventually death, for those who suffer from its dire clutches.
Anorexia isn't usually about food. Rather, it's most often an extremely unhealthy way to try coping with deeply emotional matters. When one has anorexia, they often equate thinness with self-worth.
Anorexia, like other eating disorders, usually overtakes one's life and can be very difficult to control and beat. But, with proper treatment, those afflicted by anorexia can gain a better sense of who they are, return to healthier eating habits, and reverse anorexia's serious complications.
I'm but a simple poet, and not a writer at all; so, take my critique with a grain of salt, please: Emotionally and vividly expressed, I think your writing skills are quite impressive, realistically descriptive, and well-rendered, despite the topic and a few punctuation issues … and, you certainly hit home with my own emotion, deepest compassion, and truest caring nature.

Bless you, Bonnie, and welcome to the Café with us … I hope you'll enjoy it here and stay. There are some accomplished writers and knowledgeable critics onsite I know you'll benefit by befriending … drop by my place to enjoy some of my stuff, too. : )
With my brightest smile and warmest hug of thanks for sharing! ⁓ Richard 🍃

[Bonnie]

Thank you so much :)

[Richard🖌]

Oh, sure thing, Bonnie.

[John the Baptist]

Glad I read this one after dinner.

[Bonnie]

Don't know whether to laugh at this or it's supposed to be serious