Neglect

A psychotic and slightly hostile/evil/homicidal teddy bear returns, to release his fury of abandonment on us all, with his adorably fuzzy paws, and blue corduroy pants. Isn't that just precious?!

 He sits, an abandoned teddy bear, lying on the sidewalk. She'd left him there long ago, he'd watched her grow up, and move away, he'd watched her come back with a new family. She never saw him. He'd just lie there, cold, and wet, missing attention and affection. "One day," he vowed to himself, "I will be found." That day couldn't come fast enough. Then, one by one, the family started to leave. Until a small child came up to him, looking at his dirtied corduroy pants and fur. She picked him up.

"You need a nice bath." Said the little girl. And she carried him into the house, not knowing that she unleashed a fury upon her family, so horrible, that it could not be stopped, a fury that rattled the floor boards and the roof as he was carried into the house. A fury, he would one day unleash on the world...

Author's Note

lol...

Reviews

[Holly]

O.O Holy lord. Remind me never to throw away my old toys. I was expecting something sweet at the end where the teddy is all happy cause the little girl cleaned him up and what not. It's like Chucky only less ugly and more cute and fuzzy. I liked this piece, makes you wonder if toys come to life when we don't play with them...Or maybe that's just my imagination. Heh, good job. =]

--Holly

[Coyote Poetry]

Now I read everything in my lifetime. A crazed teddy bear. Story started slow and easy. Then the amazing ending. I like it. Made me laugh.
Coyote

[M. Amphet Salt]

It's as creepy as you'd like it to be, and is a good sketch for something grandeur'. However, it needs a rewrite to fix the numberous grammer errors, so I am going edit it for you; if you don't mind.

He sits, an abandoned teddy bear�1 lying on the sidewalk�2. She'd left him there long ago3. He'd watched her grow up, and move away4. He'd watched her come back with a new family.

5She never saw him. He'd just lay6 there, cold and wet7, missing attention and affection.

"One day," he vowed to himself, "I will be found."

That day couldn't come fast enough. Then, one by one, the family started to leave8. Until a small child came up to him, looking at his dirtied corduroy pants and fur9.

"You need a nice bath," said the little girl.

She picked him up10 and she carried him into the house, unknowing11 that she had12 unleashed a fury upon her family, so horrible, that it could not be stopped, a fury that rattled the floor boards and the roof as he was carried into the house. A fury, he would one day unleash on the world...

1 unneeded comma
2 "he" is sitting and lying. This makes it confusing.
3 Run-on sentence
4 Period.
5 Seperated into paragraphs throughout by train of thought.
6 Wrong verb tense
7 Remove comma after cold.
8 It becomes confusing here. It would best if wrote "the family left", not started to leave.
9 Sentence is a fragment
10 To create clarity moved the sentence from the previous paragraph
11 "Not knowing" is a negative, changed to unknowing.
12 added "had" to keep with the past tense.
13 the rest of the lines are run-ons and need creative development from the author.
14 somewhere you have the word dirtied, change it to dirty, or soiled.

Ok. (I am an editor in learning, so...don't be upset, as all I wish to do is help you succeed!) The bear is good symbolism, and provides a sense of irony. You wouldn't think a cute cuddly teddy bear would plot murder. Senses and empathy are invoked as well. This a good write that just needs some polishing. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask.

[Allison]

lol, thx guys, got bored, and the sims wasn't working. XD

[D. Moore]

Creative... Not exactly a bedtime story I'd tell to my nieces and nephews, however, they might actually enjoy it. I suffer from an extreme case of paranoia. I'd have nightmares for sure. Lol. Great story, though!


D.

[Sophia]

Aw, that poor teddy bear! It's so sad when child-hood toys are abonadened.

Great story, by the way!