Train of Thought

Old white truck beds painted red.
         Red because she thought that would make her happier.
                        Happier because it wouldn't be white.
                                    White was bad because that was the color of the truck when he had it.

Dusty ACU's hung far back in the closet.
          Far back because she couldn't stand to see them some days.
                        Only some days because some days she was busy and didn't remember.
                                    Didn't remember that he died because she said he should re-up.
           She said to re-up because she knew he missed the weight of the gun in his hand.

A folded, torn envelope stuck on the fridge with a magnet.
          Torn because it had been so long since she had gotten a letter from him.
                        So long because he had been so busy where he was, he couldn't say then.
                                    He couldn't say then because it was classified, but now she knew it was Fallujah.
          Fallujah because there was a lot of bad people there and not as many in the U.S.
                      
CD's left unopened on the shelf in the living room.
          Unopened because she couldn't bring herself to listen to them.
                       She couldn't listen to them because they were his songs.
                                   His songs because when they play all she can remember is his voice loud in the kitchen.
         Loud in the kitchen because he couldn't cook without singing and dancing.
                       He sang and danced because that made her laugh and that made him happy.

Author's Note

Some kind of an extension from my story from forever ago called "Something", go check it out if you haven't yet! So basically for this story, I kinda just went off the characters and setting of the story and made it into a train of thought (hence the name). I might think of expanding this even more later if I think of more stanzas.

Let me know what y'all think, I actually like this piece and it's been a while since I've written something I liked! Please leave comments and suggestions! Hope all of you are having a great holiday so far :)

P.S. Sorry if the spacing is super messed up, I can never figure these things out haha (each line in each stanza is supposed to be in diagonals)

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A lot of thoughts and memories in the story.
"His songs because when they play all she can remember is his voice loud in the kitchen.
Loud in the kitchen because he couldn't cook without singing and dancing.
He sang and danced because that made her laugh and that made him happy."
The above lines were my favorite. You left a lot for the reader to think about. Thank you for sharing the excellent story my friend.
Coyote

[K.]

Thank you so much, I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I'm very proud of this piece so I'm glad it came across well.

[Coyote Poetry]

It did and you are welcome.

[θεά]

Heart-wrenchingly beautiful. This is painful and not of the stark kind. You have woven a tale of such sharp sense of loss, longing and fond remembrance through the minutiae. Admire the way you have gone about the entire poem.
"Unopened because she couldn't bring herself to listen to them.
She couldn't listen to them because they were his songs".
And the way the flow in other lines is exceptionally good work.

I generally don't look at peoples' bios when I am reading their work, but my eyes fell on the snippet of yours on the side as I was enthralled by your poem, and I have to say, you're very evolved as a writer for an eighteen-year old girl.

Keep up the good work. Look forward to your others,

Best,
M.

[Craig2591]

I like this very much. I like how you introduce the story in little bits. Very touching and sad.

[K.]

Thank you! I'm glad you liked it, I ended up really liking it as well! I can't decide if it's good enough to keep the length, or if I should extend it.

[Stan Lee]

Very interesting theme and style. Thanks for sharing :-)

[K.]

Thank you! I'm glad it came across well and that it wasn't set up weirdly!

[Philip Muls]

Train of thought...logic...cause and effect. It all makes sense. Good flow. Raw and authentic.

[K.]

Thank you, Phillip! I'm glad you liked it!