The Field

The power lines criss-crossed across the grey, cloudy sky, cutting it into all of those geometric shapes he learned about in high school. Thunder rolled over the valley, shaking the trees, making the hares and chipmunks scurry for a hiding place. The dusty path sliced through the high dewed grass, creating more odd angles so that if the field had been viewed from above, one might think aliens had transformed the area.
  Hounds bounded and bayed from miles away, but the thought and the sound still sent a shudder down his spine. The black backpack thudded against his back, it's objects sharp and hard- a reminder of how and why.
  A field like this could have taken him back home, if he had had the time to walk slowly through it, run his fingertips along the grains, hear the cowbells ringing in the distance, see the tight knit pines where he used to sit with his friends and that girl. But it was a different place, different time, different man. This was a man on the run, not a boy in a field.

Author's Note

Classic me, a 2:30am write and post. I was inspired looking through photos and came across this one (it is attached). I'm happy that it isn't some lame heartbreak/happy thing that I've been writing lately, so I wanted to post it. Hope y'all like it! Please leave thoughts, suggestions, etc! I may have some errors since it is so late, but I was excited so I wanted to put it up, so If you notice anything, let me know please!

Thanks!

Reviews

[Adam Adams]

Man on the run, not a boy in the field? What an insightful line you've itched with words! I find this story a very unique art of suspense & thrill that further dappling some tints of.. your visions on hearts. Every single time, I get finished up reading your piece.. do enjoy reading your author's note that's seemed to be a very big & vital part of your whole-poetry. You drool your stuffs with everything what a writer needs to put on pages & a readers expects.. reading. The description of the story's conceptual.. shown me some scenes through some great epic sentences. Seemed, I watched a climax of action/thrill movie! Quite fascinating. Liked your latest story. You got me!

[K.]

That was one of my favorite lines! and haha my authors notes are always so dorky but I'm glad you think they're vital! Thank you so much for your thoughts and for reading, as always.

[Adam Adams]

Pleasure's mine.
You seemed love reading & writing across thrill-genres.. do you? What's your fav. genres to write across?

[K.]

I do! I think I like writing weird creepy stuff in weird types (postmoderist I suppose?). Things like "Untitled", "A to B", "Delusion", "This Place" and "Sound". Those are some of my favorites in that unusal writing style.

[Adam Adams]

You got it what I was talkin' 'bout. Yeah, most of your stuffs're written under title "Untitled". Your stories're pretty good for hearts so, I guess... you start posting stories under creative and innovative short (one-worded) title name besides "Untitled". It catches readers attention and by doin' 'tis, you'll learn how to shape titles... (it's good for your professional life). Try it.

[K.]

I think for that one I just got lazy, and that's my only story called "Untitled"!

[Adam Adams]

Then.. laziness suits you. "Untitled" titles're not that bad. It makes readers always in suspense that when he browsed the stuffs, who knows, what kinda beauty he'll read through eyes? You'll shape your own life - an art with age so.. for now, keep waving along winds!

[K.]

Haha, thank you! And I hope so!

[Samuel Dickens]

This is quite interesting and well-written, Kassie. Griping, too. I followed along, viewing the striking images you presented, and found myself wanting more. You've the makings of a writer, methinks.

[K.]

Thank you so much, Samuel! Maybe in a little bit I will have a follow up on this story since it has been requested a few times. Hope to see you back!

[Craig2591]

I love this! "it's objects sharp and hard- a reminder of how and why", is brilliant. I like the flashback to a happier time, too. Very nice.

[K.]

Thank you Craig! That is actually one of my favorite lines, I was kind of proud of myself for thinking of it, haha! I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for stopping by!!

[Rae Avery]

Oh, how I LOVE flash fiction. It takes a unique sort of talent to pull it off like this. In just a few short words, you gave us something to visualize on the screens of our mind. I agree with some of the other comments: you really have an incredible talent. Are you planning on doing any additional stories about this man on the run? I think you would benefit both ways. If not, then you have given us a great source for us to create our own imaginative story and ending. If yes, then you may just end up making an entire short story of it, which I'm sure would please us all. Well done.

[K.]

Now that you mention it, I think flash-fiction is kind of my thing, it's all I can really do. Thank you so much for your words, it means so much. And I've been asked is I was going to continue this by a couple of different people, so maybe I will! Check back soon and hopefully you'll see a continuation! Thank you for stopping by and reading!

[Thaddius]

Love the prose. I'm very sleepy and inarticulate right now, but I'll try to elaborate. You are just, like, talented. I don't know. It's pleasing to read something that an 18 year old writes, and go, okay, this is near professional quality. You're already better than a lot of authors.

It's atmospheric, expressionistic or whatever. There's a noir-ish quality, and you capture this rugged outlaw vibe. It's impressive, because you're a girl. You're writing about a manly man better than I could, probably. I think it's because your romanticizing the notion. A good thing. Really inciting, you set a whole lot up in so little time.

You could vary the sentence structures after the first few lines. Try choppy ones. They work well. Troubled. See?

Gonna read some more of your stuff now.

[K.]

This is so dorky of me to say but ah! I'm smiling so big right now, you are so kind!

I'm glad it gave off that vibe and that you said that, because now I can kind of see that in this piece, as well as some others. Also, thank you for the suggestion about the sentence structure. Rereading it now, I understand what you're saying; every sentence is somewhat of a run-on (I have problems with that) and start similarly. I will work on that!

About me writing better than you, I doubt it. And for being sleepy and inarticulate, your reviews are better than most of mine. Hope you find some more things that you like, feel free to be totally honest and critique my work, I am 100% sure my work is not it's best, no matter what you say.

[Mr Good]

get format of poetry, which style is this ? i mean, what is your intention, which format? who reads a paragraph n name it poem

[K.]

It's actually not a piece of poetry, I have it listed as a story.

[Jamestown]

Well penned and described!
Like the creative wording and imagery:)
Thanks for sharing and b-blessed!

[K.]

Thank you so much! I appreciate you reading and reviewing!

[Stan Lee]

Very clever. I enjoyed the way you told this story without revealing any explicit detail.
:)

[K.]

Thank you! It is something I wanted to get at least a short story line down, and then if I'm feeling creative in the future I could add to and expand. Thank you for reading and reviewing!