This Place

The moon slips through the skylight, brightening the dark room, casting shadows on the downcast faces. Only one stares up at the moon, at the stars. She closes her eyes and turns her head to the side. My vision crashes and I see a man’’s body hanging crumpled and broken from the tree branch, the tattered noose chafing his neck. I blink again; this place is driving me insane. I look over to the lone side window: a boy, maybe 15, a bruise under his eyes, from his shoulder to his elbow on his right side, a deep white and puckered scar runs. I look down and for a moment I hold a long knife in my hand, the glinting silver dripping in his blood; then it’s gone. I blink again; I can not stand this anymore. 

Author's Note

I don't know if I already uploaded this or not but here it is again, if I have! Wrote this a while back, definitely one of my most favorite things I've written, but I don't really know why. Hope y'all like it!

Thank you, as always, for reading and reviewing, and sticking with me while I am so busy.

Reviews

[Adam Adams]

That's very illusive! What a suspense you splashed 'pon hearts!

Seemed, a girl was passing through her nightmares which were overcoming her insomnia with haunt. She was lone, quiet & innocent .. but something was haunting her deep inside that she wasn't even aware 'bout. She watched things before her very eyes - the things which ain't even existed in the world anymore. May be, she was fortune teller who walked the anticipation of love-life but your story says something different .. very cold and possessive that reflects few imagery's of hallucination. She was trapped somewhere inside the place where... her insanity spoke to eyes. Ah.. what a beautiful storyarc you've come up with! Wondrous job!

[K.]

In this story, I had actually imagined this all taking place in a prison or just a room of sorts, and this is all playing out right in front of her and the reader. I'm glad I could create a picture in your mind and that you liked it! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

[Craig2591]

I like the dark feel of this. Usually, I don't like things written in present tense, but I think it works well with this piece. But you changed tense a couple of times. "I could not stand this anymore" should be, "I can not stand this anymore." and "this place was driving me insane" should be, "this place is driving me insane."

Good write.

[K.]

Thank you so much, Craig, for reading and catching those changes. I have those a lot. I will make those changes right now!

[POETIC SOUL 2013]

i like this, its detailed and we oriented. i hope you expand on this further. Excellent write.

[K.]

Thank you! I'll try, but no promises, haha!

[POETIC SOUL 2013]

Okay :) thanks for sharing/