XES/S*X

Isn't it how you write it nowadays?
Treat her with such pretence and disdain
As the ones you have her with.
Sex is a god, a master of slaves.
She consumes her lover.
She is a dominant that punishes her disobedient submissives.
You hear about her, you get enticed, you walk into her lair and never return.
She makes you feel good. She makes you love your enemy. She makes you feel bad.
Your mom warned you about her. But wasn't Eve warned about her in the holy garden? Yes that was sex.
She opens your eyes to the forbidden. She opens your eyes to darkness. You cannot be without her. She is an addiction without rehab.
You love sex for life. She loves you for just 30 minutes tops. Some are not so lucky.
You are just one of her many loyal slaves. Loyal because the chains were never locked.

Reviews

[Alexandria Melissa Flor..]

"But wasn't Eve warned about her? Yes that was sex." I would say leave the question to be answered. But overall it was good.

[Bonie]

Thank you beautiful.

[Catherine Frain]

Nicely written. Creative and can match everything that this country faces everyday.

[Bonie]

Thank you soo much. xo

[ValyrieKiennan]

Interesting, and yet I feel you could push this poem a lot further. The opening sentence is vague, but with no purpose. Try and read the poem out loud and be aware of any awkward phrasing/lines that need clarifying. Being evasive in the information you provide to your audience can be a good tactic, however they do need something to go on. As for the body of the poem itself, I feel you are rehashing familiar territory. For example, the line about dominants punishing disobedient submissives is unnecessary. I like your insertion of the sex/slave dynamic, and I feel that if you focused more on this relationship, the piece would be overall stronger, and more originally creative. Watch your line breaks as well; if you have a period in a line, the next sentence should have it's own line. For example, when you say "You are just one of her many loyal slaves" there should be a semicolon at the end of this, and then the line "loyal because the chains were never locked" should be on the next line.

Keep writing, keep improving!

Cheers,

VK

[Bonie]

thank you so much. I have taken everything into consideration.

[ValyrieKiennan]

Happy to offer up constructive feedback! Enjoy the writing process :)

VK

[Mel Lisa]

interesting poem, different and from a unique perspective. "loyal because the chains were never locked" wow that was an awesome sentence! we can see how this act of sex can be a dangerous addiction to one who is irresponsible, almost like a bad drug lol. interesting that sex here is equated to a female, makes sense! Really like your style
very creative.

[Bonie]

Omg!!! This means a lot to me. Really appreciate it.

[Bonie]

please guys I need reviews :(