Empricism vs Rationalism: a Dialogue between Spinoza and Hume

a somewhat comedic dialogue discussing the key points of Empiricism and Rationalism. set in a modern day diner, the two philosophers are called together to argue out their ideas in length.

The setting is a diner, present day in an unnamed town. BARUCH SPINOZA and DAVID HUME arrive at a table marked ‘reserved’ at the same time, holding matching invitation cards. Both men have no clue how they got transported through time and space but don’t question it. They sit down facing each other. An USHER approaches them holding a blue envelope.

USHER: I was told to give you this upon your arrival. A waiter will be by shortly to take your order.

The USHER takes no notice in the men’s odd clothing and hairstyles. SPINOZA takes the envelope and opens it as the USHER walks away.

SPINOZA: ‘do we understand the world through senses or reason?’

HUME: why senses, of course. Everything we know about the world is gathered through our sense data.

SPINOZA looks at HUME incredulously and starts playing with one of the sugar packets.

SPINOZA: young man, you couldn't be more wrong. All that we know about the world is understood through reason, because God our Lord has given us this knowledge.

HUME: and why is that? How can we prove the existence of God?

SPINOZA: we don't have to prove that God exists, because he is all that exists. Everything we know is known through God because everything known is God.

HUME fiddles with his colonial era wig, looking confuddled. A WAITER appears, holding another envelope.

WAITER: what would you like to drink?

SPINOZA: i’ll have some of your finest wine, as well as a glass for my friend here.

HUME, glaring at SPINOZA: i’ll take a brandy.

The WAITER nods and walks away, leaving the envelope on the table. HUME picks it up.

HUME: ’how can we determine whether our perceptions of our world are accurate?’

SPINOZA: oh, this one is easy. Everything in the world can be reduced to one substance. Do you know what that is?

HUME, slightly disgruntled: don't say it.

SPINOZA, grinning wickedly: god makes up the entire world, everything we know, and we know we can trust him so our perceptions are right.

HUME: god cannot make up everything, we can't even prove god exists! Everything we know is achieved through sense perception, how hard is that to understand?

A passerby stops and interjects upon hearing HUME’s argument.

DESCARTES: silly man, you are wrong. We can prove god’s existence because god is perfect, and he would never deceive us. He guarantees that whatever we perceive with our reason corresponds with reality.

DESCARTES walks away, chuckling to himself, leaving the men bewildered. HUME sighs forward, gesturing randomly with his argument.

HUME: reason and thinking is a different matter; so far we have only talked of understanding the world. All of our ideas and thoughts are after products or reflections from impressions we’ve had through senses.

HUME, looking around: for instance, take a spaghetti dish. What do you think of?

SPINOZA: I dont know, ive never had spaghetti.

HUME: good. Spaghetti is a dish made up of cooked noodles, tomato sauce, and meatballs. Now from that description, do you have a better picture of it in your mind?

SPINOZA: well it makes slightly more sense, and sounds tasty.

HUME: see, you have all of those concepts that I just told you from sense impressions, seeing them or eating them individually before. All of our ideas are like that, made from impressions we’ve had. Original ideas are never totally original, only pieces of other ideas. For example a Pegasus is a horse + wings.

SPINOZA: you lost me. How do we get them into our minds after only seeing it?

HUME: after each sense impression, it leaves a bit of an after product in our mind.that after product is the idea of the thing we sensed. Take drinking this wine-- (HUME picks up SPINOZA’s untouched wine that the WAITER had left)-- you taste the bitterness upon drinking it, and afterwards you remember wine as being bitter and purple, and that people drink it for pleasure. The taste is the impression and the knowledge that it is bitter and purple is the after product.

SPINOZA: well, I suppose that does make sense. You put up a good argument, but you still can’t disprove god. Just face it, you atheist-the world would fall apart without god.

HUME: not necessarily. Look at it this way. The vicious man practices hate and humility, all the things that make us unhappy. The virtuous character practices love and pride, the things that make us happy. So if you simply had a society where you rewarded virtues and punished vices, the world would get along without god.

SPINOZA: that's an interesting take on it, but I think you are dodging the elephant in the booth--you can't disprove god’s existence!

HUME, sighing: look, this is religion. Sure, it is the dominant religion in Europe. But people believe what they want to believe! if we have any clear idea of God we can conceive of him existing or not existing, and this applies to everyone, atheists and christians alike. But face it, no one has a clear look at god or knows any of his true qualities.

SPINOZA: okay, we are getting too much into religion here. If you boil it down, the existence of god is what you make it. Whether that be god as everything everywhere, or not existing at all, god is what you see in your mind.

HUME: so I guess we are both right.

SPINOZA: about which?

HUME: both religion and perceiving the world. I was right about the world, being made up of sense perceptions; and you are right about god, that we can't disprove him because he is what you make him.

SPINOZA: oh, that sounds about right. How about we end this argument and get some food?

HUME, opening the menu: sure thing. What the heck is a burger?

• END -

Author's Note

I wrote this dialogue a short time ago for a philosophy class, and since it is one of the few essays I am actually proud of, I figured I might as well post it here.