I am thinking of you

 

I am thinking of you

 

I.

Why the hell

Did you decide then

That the great bounce

The huge cascading fall

Was worth

Breaking your skin again

Warmed needle

Melted dream

Pushed hard into a vein

Stealing

Sealing

Mouth giving breath

Soaking sweat

I count to ten

You don’t come back

I look at the wall

But there are nothing but

Shadows there

 Twenty nine figures

That dance and then are

no more

 

II.

Why the hell

Couldn’t I reach you then?

That the great divide was

More than enough to compensate

For any of my

Embraces

My strange encumbrances

God, how I loved you

Despite the odds

Child

You were born of my

Soul

Divided of too much

Derided too often

Til anything was capable

Of being melted

To base metal

To basic sufficiency

Inbred inhumanity

She shouldn’t have given you up

Yes, she should have loved you

A million times over

But I am the one left to blame

I break

I brake

There is nothing left for me to give you

Eight seasons of temperance

Maybe they will be your memoir

When you have learnt forgiveness

 

III.

Ninety eight

Reasons, and answers, and quiet hours

Your skin hardly recognizes your voice

Your eyes blink

And they are still the clear blue of November

Cool, temporary, waiting for snow

I touch your hand

I hold your body

But it trembles

And I shiver

I do not wish for winter

I do not think I can stand this much

You are my maternal guide

My eternal reason to yet begin

Again

A yoga stand

Of dawn and tea

The quiet conversation

That peace

 

IV.

This is the better part of what I have believed

The place that the pages have been rabbit eared

Rereading in the half lit spaces of breathing

You that know me best

You that have carved initials down,

Down

Past the embryonic

I am bark peeling

Who knows my darker side

And comes just inside the broken voices

To say

This is a hymn

Not a broken mirror

Minnow

I am sliding still

Look up

The water ripples

And still you stop

To tell me the image to you is

beautiful