A glance is all I need

A Poem by Bob Sherunkle

My heart is pounding,thumping like a drum,you chose the beat as our eyes meet.

Raven hair hangs over those cheeks,covering,ever so slightly,those tiny emeralds.

I let out a sigh,like my last breath before death,

you glance over,curious knots in your brow.

I am like a teenager,all cool,all Dean.

Looking disintersted but butterflies are crashing in the inside,as if blinded by your beauty,

I compose myself,look you in the eye,I shake,I smile and cry on the inside and drown the butterflies .

I open my mouth,I dont know what the words are but you smile a smile that puts the sunset to shame,

Your hand brushes mine,You hold my stare,and turn and walk away.

If I never see you again,it doesnt matter.

© 2014 Bob Sherunkle

Author's Note

Thoughts? Its been a while,fingers and brain are creaking

My Review

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Featured Review

A.J. Thompson

I enjoyed this one Bob! If I could give you just a few helpful (hopefully!) tips... Remember to keep the tense consistent. If you want to stay in present tense, I would rewrite the first line as, "My heart is pounding, thumping like a drum, you choose the beat as our eyes meet." I simply changed 'chose' to 'choose.' There are other instances in this piece where tense is not consistent. If you were attempting to create some sort of concept by changing tense purposely, I'm sorry I didn't catch it. Also it just feels like the ending is very dull and 'chopped off.' I wish I could give you a suggestion as to how the poem 'should' end, but it is not my piece so I can't say how it 'should' end, because I don't know. Overall I enjoyed the poem and received the general feeling I believe you were attempting to convey. And isn't that the point of poetry anyway? To convey a feeling? Great piece.

Posted 10 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

10 Years Ago

Moments are a b*tch sometimes A.J. Thanks though,a little rusty

Reviews

EloisaWrites

Woah! The emotions are so raw and yet you made it into a powerful and very moving poem! I feel the beat and the tension waiting for that glance! Wonderful as always, Bob! :)

Posted 9 Years Ago

Coyote Poetry

You create a good place and memory. Sometime simple meetings stay with us forever. I like the way you described the place and the situation. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote