When I see your face...

There's not a thing that I would change, cause you're amazing, just the way you are...

Why do I try? I try and fail again. I’ve been fighting to keep myself away, so that you can heal, even if my pain will stay.

 

What does it mean, when you love someone, and you just can’t let go, whatever happens, you can’t? I think I finally found an answer to it. It means you’re meant to be with that person. Be honest, when is the time that your true smile shines on your face? It’s when you’re with him, otherwise, you’re just covering up your pain, trying to look as if you’re enjoying it, but deep down, you feel lost, empty, alone. You listen to the songs you used to hear together, and smile at the memories in your head while listening to them. You cry when you remember beautiful times and you’re not sure if they’re sad or happy tears. You know the words by heart, and you sing along to the song. You feel excited to see him, you tremble and wait eagerly for time to pass. And the more agitated you are to see that beautiful face, the slower time seems to pass. Why are these things so natural, so normal, and yet so difficult to get to know? Why is it so difficult for us to make one simple decision? One simple decision is not so simple.

 

Sometimes I wish that life was planned out for us, you have to reach aims in life, you meet him, and spend your life with him, have a family, and die together. There are times when I do believe in this, because I can’t imagine a future other than the one my mind planned for me. The future I have in my mind is perfect, and it’s my only aim. If I won’t have that specific future, there is no reason why I should live anymore.

 

How do you know that he is the one for you? And if he is the one for you, are you the one for him? I wish there’s a book of answers about these things, because there are people, to whom you are the one. But how do you know if you are meant to be together? Is there such a thing?

 

Questions, thoughts, everything going through my head right now is confusing. There are many uncertain things, but what I am certain of for sure, is that I love him. My true smile only shines when he is around. I can’t live without him, and even if I can, I don’t want to. He is the purpose of my life, the answer to my questions, and the reason why every day the sun shines for me. My heart beats at the speed of light in my ribcage when he’s around. It’s unbelievable, I never thought these things happened, but apparently they do, because I experienced them. He is the one for me, and I hope he feels the same way about me. That is the reason why I could never get over him, because I should be with him, and my life will only be complete if he is right beside me. I’m only thinking about it, and a wide smile spreads across my face.

 

He’s amazing. His beautiful brown eyes are so kind, sweet, full of love, and the funny thing is, you can see in them, if they are hurt or happy. Or is it just me? His face is perfect. His lips are soft, and wonderfully shaped, and his smile, there’s just too much to say about it! I could stare at him for all my life if it’s all I can do, and when he smiles, I won’t be the only one looking at it, because the entire world would stare at it, and be mesmerized by it. I would describe anything else, but I think I’d get lost in talking in detail. I never get bored of talking about him. There are so many things to say. His beautifully shaped body is perfect. It’s like his arms were custom-made so that I could fit in them. His hands so soft intertwined in mine. I could look at him for all eternity, it still wouldn’t be enough.

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[Lighthouse Call]

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