Naively Irrelevant

Naively Irrelevant is an ode to the anguish of infidelity, a small morsel of bitter fiction.

Alec stood in front of the apartment door and let out a loud clipped cough, feeling his head throb from drinking heavily the night before.

It was barely sun up on Valentine’s Day; a day of consumer romance and clichés of amore, where lovers rejoice and heart-felt crushes are made known. And it was Alec and Judy’s third wedding anniversary.

Their marriage, a product of lust and youthful ignorance, prime ingredients of first love and ever-lasting mistakes, he thought.

Alec squeezed his eyes shut as dark feelings assaulted his nerves; painful and intense memories inundating his system, an overload of emotions. Missteps and failures swirled about in his mind, cycling endlessly from the beginning of one to the end of another.

I hate my life, I miss my wife.

He took a deep breath.

Is it memories that trigger emotion or emotions that trigger memories?

Resentment, then electric anger surged up his spine and through his arms making his fists clench.

Alec gripped the ring of keys tightly in his right hand, useless as he had removed his apartment key the night before, slamming it onto the coffee table after seeing relief in Judy’s eyes when he announced he was leaving her.

Alec briefly fantasized kicking the door down and shoving the keys through Judy’s teeth.

He took a deep breath and stared inwardly at the red blur behind his eyes.

A lumbering pick-up approached the apartment complex from the north, slowing for a speed bump and then accelerating by.

Alec took another deep breath, trying to slow his heartbeat. He drew a tiny smiley face with his finger on the frosted security glass, trying to focus on the present.

On the door.

The door of his former apartment.

The apartment he used to share with his now estranged wife.

Beads of perspiration emerged on his brow as lust, jealousy and anger twisted in his belly. He expelled white hot plumes into the morning air.

Bang, Bang, Bang went the keys against the metal screen.

There was nothing but silence from the other side.

“Judy, open the door!” he yelled.

A minute passed, then two.

No answer.

Wait.

There was a hint of movement behind the frosted glass.

Did he just hear whispers?

“What do you want, Alec?” Judy’s authoritative voice rang clear through the thick wooden door.

Judy was always lucid and alert in her single-minded way, even in the early hours of the morning. It was that unrelenting focus that drove her into the pre-med program at the state university. Yeah, Alec thought, she’s a real go-getter, just like so many post-feminist offspring: aggressive, controlling and highly skilled in the guile of her sexuality. She was especially bold lately about her current ‘situation’, knowing that in a few weeks Alec would be long gone, out of state and occupied with graduate school.

“I need the car. I’m going to Phil’s for the weekend, remember?” Alec croaked through the door, trying to put on a tough guy voice.

But was that really why he had come to his former apartment on this frosty morning?

Truth was, he had been up all night, dwelling upon the wrenching ache in his chest. Lately, he had become addicted to that pain, reliving emasculating arguments and the uneasy feeling of betrayal which had become a fluid and predictable part of life with Judy.

He gripped the ring of keys tighter in his hand, the key to his grandmother’s basement where he was temporarily lodged biting into his palm.

Alec tried to sound reasonable, as though he hadn’t discovered her passionately making love to another on their recently purchased king-sized bed a few weeks earlier, “Just open the door.”

Shame and humiliation were now controlling his every move.

The lock clicked and the door opened a few inches.

Judy peeked out from behind the security chain looking fresh and ready for the day ahead. “You’re up early,” she said, ever confident, flashing that Judy smile that always tugged on his heart.

He loved her so much.

Molten rage and his desire to touch her again blended into a form of paralysis.

She reached through the gap and tossed the single car key onto the icy porch at his feet.

He hated her so much.

“Wash it before you bring it back,” she said before shutting the door and securing the deadbolt.

Alec stood there staring at the key.

He reached down and took it in his hand, sliding it onto his ring of keys in its old familiar place.

*****

The burgundy sedan was sitting in their parking space.

Alec backed the car down the narrow alley then drove up the sloping road toward the university.

There was something wrong.

He pulled over next to the quaint boutique coffee shop where Judy supposedly liked to spend hours studying alone.

He got out and circled the car.

The right rear tire was completely flat.

He opened the trunk.

There was an empty freshly discarded can of fix-a-flat lying atop the spare tire. And the spare tire was also flat.

Alec closed the trunk, turned and walked over to the coffee shop. A rustic bell attached to the door gave a cheerful ring as he entered. The air was warm and moist inside. The display case full of cakes and bagels was shining from a fresh cleaning. He walked past the coffee barista whose smile faltered when he did not return her chipper greeting and descended down the three steps into the small unisex bathroom.

Alec closed the door, got down on his knees and vomited.