Better Off

When does the sun shine on my grave?

The snake strikes at my hand

Smoke rises from my cigarette

Trying to become a man with-out any regrets

With this heart I think I have placed

So many lost days

 

With a broken heart

This man works so hard

Just to make it by

A single tear rolls down as he cries

He wonders why he tries

He aches, but what can he say?

It’s not like he can get very far

 

He doesn’t want to remember

His darkest days

With his heart he has placed

He is blind running in this life time race

In a long, cold and wet December

 

With a screaming cry

His heart was never treated right

Like dark is to night

Giving him his grave as a prize

Watch his eye’s slowly die

And you wonder why he tries

 

With his heart he has placed

Time is a ticking bomb of a race

He doesn’t want to remember his darkest days

He’s carrying his heart to his grave   

He aches with all his pain

He thinks maybe it’s better off this way

 

Set this man free

Maybe if there was something to believe in

Just to make this all end

Or if they could all see

He is carrying himself to his grave

With his heart he has placed

He thinks he is better off this way

Reviews

[ewest1220]

A man who holds onto his regrets, a common ailment. I really like the last stanza especially the first two lines of it. Set this man free, Maybe if there was something to believe in. Love the contradiction man great job!

[Brandon Mathis]

I worked really hard on this one, thank you.

[ewest1220]

I can tell! Thanks, once again for letting me read my friend!

[Brandon Mathis]

Anytime!!

[The dark story]

"He is blind running in a this life time race".i don't think that there should be "a" in this line.....
but yes it is a very nice poem...
Trying to become a man with-out any regrets
i liked this line....:}

[Brandon Mathis]

I'm glad that you like it i will change that when i gt the chance to

[Serenity Faith]

ATIBA SHEIKH Pretty much named all your grammatical mistakes. There was this other one though "Time is ticking bomb of a race"~should it be "Time is a ticking bomb of a race"? A good poem all the same ^_^

[Brandon Mathis]

Fix them!!

[The dark story]

hmm...i am sorry i didn't get it.besides.emily.what do you mean?.did i pointed out something wrong.... i'm still a very young student.so it goes without saying that i can make mistakes

[Serenity Faith]

lol no you didn't do anything wrong. I was saying you pointed out any other grammatical errors that I saw. I simply caught one that you might have missed. You actually were very helpful to Mr. Mathis ^_^

[The dark story]

ohohoh...then it's okay:)

[Brandon Mathis]

lol you to are making me laugh!!!

[The dark story]

aaaaaeeee........but it didn't make me laugh.though my friends call me "a laughing gas"