a secret

there’s a secret i have
i can’t tell you what it is,
but i can tell you it’s strange
and it’s very much about you.
i have this fondness
for all the things you do
and the only thing i seem to notice
is you, you, you, you.
i can’t get you out of my mind
i don’t know what to do
but now that i’ve lost you
i don’t know how to breathe anymore.
you were my life source.
you were my reason.
now what am i supposed to do?
you’re gone now,
and i blame myself.
i know it wasn’t my fault
but it’s easier to take the blame.
i shouldn’t have texted you that day
while you were driving to your date.
i shouldn’t have told you.
i should have kept my mouth shut.
that would have at least saved our friendship,
and it probably would have saved you too.
but now i’ll be haunted
by the three dots
telling me you’re still typing
your unheard response.
i shouldn’t have gotten to know you
all those years ago
when i still thought boys had cooties
and girls could rule the world.
i should have told you to wait.
i should have told you in person.
why couldn’t i have been the one?
the one to take the hit?
i should have been there with you
like old times,
when we were inseparable.
we did everything together.
now everywhere i look around
it’s a memory of you.
i might as well be gone too
since it’s better to be with you.
so farewell world,
maybe i’ll see you soon.

-S.B.

Author's Note

the lack of capitalization is a stylistic choice. please don't continuously comment on it.