I want to see you dying

The poems kind of self-explanitory. Something I wrote when I was upset about something.

I want to be there when you do it.

When you snort that first line.

I want nothing more than for you to feel

stupid and dumb.

But I want to see it.

That look on your face

when you see my cry

The realization of what your starting.

I want you to do that second and third line.

I want you to keep going.

Do the fourth and fifth

and how-ever many more it takes

for you to hit the floor.

I want you to feel alone lying there

I want you to feel scared.

I want nothing more than to see you dying.

Because maybe then,

you'll feel low enough

to be sober.

Reviews

[Author Gus]

This would look awesome if it could be color-coated.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I interpret this to be about somebody that the narrator actually cares for; thus why it is dying and not die. The idea is that a near death situation might help to show the subject the error of their ways, not to actually see them dead.

[Michael Guccione]

Oooh, vindictive. I like it. Very well orchestrated and packs a wallup. What strong poetry should be about. Not afraid to throw punches. Well done, girl.

[John Stussy]

Powerful and quite the poetic punch.

[Gabi Celaya]

I like the use of underlining/bolding certain words for emphasis. It works particularly well with the words "hit" and alone, making them really stand out despite being in the middle of their respective lines.

[Kelsie :]]

wow girlie.
this is intense but sometimes it takes you a near death experience to wake up.
good job hun.