he won the battle

i no i write about the same guy in pretty much all of my work but this is special to me.

He seduces her

she moans for the feeling

she is falling quickly

expecting him to catch her.

he moves out of the way

he watches as she makes her landing

watching in satisfaction

he looks at her and sees nothing special

she looks up at him and sees the eyes of her maker

he knows what he has done and feels sweet satisfaction

leaving her there to fend for herself

 

 

Author's Note

this sounded really good to me in my head so im sorry if it doesnt sound as good on paper.

Reviews

[Michael Guccione]

This is what can happen when one person in a relationship is more in love than the other. I've been there and feel for you, Kaitlyn.

[Eagle Cruagh]

Yup ! He was her maker.
I hope what she sees in his eyes will register
enough so she will avoid it in the future.
This is a very clever poem, full of symbolism and
truisms.
Very well done.
RATE: 100 %
---- Eagle Cruagh

[larryb]

I think you made your point , this person you cant get out of your life seems like a loser, you need enough guts to go on with your life, i wish you well and keep writing and let it all out good and bad.

[Spoken]

i think this has a unique and solid image to get your view across and make the reader feel what you felt. the thought of someone falling back.. giving complete trust.. then seeing the man heartlessly step aside and watch her smack the pavement, satisfied with the pain he's caused he walks away as she lay there helpless and broken. I can see perfectly where you were going with this and i think it's awsome. I'd agree with lady Sphinx in a sense that i'd like to see you expland and wrap my mind completely in deeper imagery, but it's solid if you chose to leave it as is. Great write!

[Kelsie :]]

AWW :D
hmm.....im kinda thinking that i am in a similar situation..huh?
over all i really like it especially the line when you said "she is falling quickly expecting him to catch her, he moves out of the way" ... because it was a great attention grabber to start off the poem...plus i can relate. good work :)

[Collette]

Hey, I think you have the makings of a very good poem here. The concept of showing both sides/emotions is unique!
To offer some advice:
I would beef it up a little bit. Perhaps add a few more stanzas to help give better insight into the piece.
You obviously have talent and ideas, you just need to fine-tune the mechanics a bit.
Thanks for sharing!